Happy September 1

I did not meet my goal for Sept, but I am determined to meet this month's goal which is now a bit loftier since I did not meet August's. September always depresses me a little. This year I am determined to face it with excitement and not be depressed.
I realized the other day as I yelled at my two year old daughter because she refused to go to the restroom before bed that I am totally failing in my determination not to yell at my children. Do not get me wrong, I am a firm believer in discipline and consequences, but yelling should not be a consequence or a punishment. When my son yells at me, I need to take responsibility for that behaviour. I do not want to be that mom. I am better than that and should be better than that. I have spent the last two days working on it. I have done pretty well and hope to continue. Every time I want to yell, I just think what is the big deal. So what. She goes to bed 10 minutes later or he gets 2 more minutes of playtime. Ultimately both kids are good kids and listen for the most part. I tend to face life the same way I deal with my kids. I lose patience and get frustrated easily when honestly I should just ask myself what the big deal is. I find people, myself included, spend so much time being annoyed and wanting things to be different or a situation to be different or to be right in general that we no longer enjoy any moments in life. Everything is bland then and each day has way too many downs. It takes a lot of ups to continually fight that many downs especially when most downs are self imposed. I do not want to be that person. I have a choice is what I feel. I can choose to be different. All of that easy goingness that my husband talked about months ago has washed away, and frankly whatever made it disappear is not worth it. Frankly, I want it back, and I have that choice. It is on me.
I made that choice this am. I did not want to go to the gym. Between my son waking up from a nightmare at 11:45p, my hubby waking me up at 12:45a and then just waking up at 1:55a, I was exhausted this am, but I had a choice at 4:35a. I could get up and go to the gym and feel better that my day started well and productive and that I was taking care of myself or I could go back to sleep and then beat myself up for the rest of the day. I choose to go to the gym. It was a good choice.
The fluff book I just finished reading is all about choices. It definitely gave me food for thought, though. I choose who I am and what I do. Today I choose to start my day off right which hopefully will translate into a better day.