Gentlemen, start your engines....

Today is here. It is the day I wait for as Homestead closes each year. Why? Like I said before, NASCAR is the perfect sport for me. It ends mid fall after it starts to get really cold and starts late winter as we see signs of spring. It means that spring is headed our way, and this year spring does really seem to be headed our way. Today will be cold, but tomorrow the 60's return. Daytona is here so spring is headed our way.
And what do I say on race day? Go Kyle Busch.
The sun is rising. That is my favorite time of day. I am a former or recovered late owl. I am pretty sure that I still do not enjoy getting up in the am, but I definitely appreciate being up early. There is a lot in the world to appreciate when you are up early. First thing in the morning when the sun is coming up, there is something untouched about the world that makes it beautiful. It is fresh and ready. My favorite place to see that is by the lake at the front of our neighborhood. As the sun rises, you can see it rising over the trees and on some of the large houses by the lake, you can see the shadow of the trees and the sun shining on it all at the same time. It is exquisite. The lake is always like a reflection pool that time of day, so calm and placid. I want to be there now, today, just running by. It is not quite time yet. 29 degrees this am is what the weather channel says. Not quite my time yet, but the days are close.
I feel tired this week. I have been working my body quite a bit. Today is a day of rest from real exercise that is. I have lost almost 3 pounds in the last week and for someone my size, that is no small feat. I will still do my physical therapy exercises and hip strengthening and such and I might hit the bike, but I will not be running or rowing today. My body needs some rest. I am smart enough to know that. If I can maintain the 134/135 through the drama of the next few weeks, I will be good to go to hit 128-130 by June 1. It still gives me plenty of time. This is the least I have weighed in my adult life and I only weigh 9 pounds more than I did at my lightest as a teenager. I am getting there...
Let's get this party started. Go Kyle Busch! Let's hope it is a good race!

You send your hubby to the grocery store

And he is gone for over 2 hours. How does that happen? Men. They can never find anything. They open a cabinet and ask where the milk is. The answer is always the same. Right in front of them. Crazy.
I hit 134.5 this week. I jumped from the 137 to 134 this week. How? I rarely stop moving. That is the trick on the weekends. I am sitting down now relaxing, but I am about 5 minutes away from doing my front planks and then folding some towels. I feel good. I am well on my way to a bikini. The pole fit class is out for now for reasons beyond my control. Maybe I will catch up with the class early April or maybe even late March. I am on the other end of my cycle (getting ready for my period) so not really feeling all that sexy right now, but I am still very much looking forward to my Sat night bath tonight. I have not had one in the last few weeks. How relaxing will that be!
Tomorrow is the Daytona 500. We are having a bit of a party here at the house. What do we say on race day? I always ask the kids. My daughter knows the answer. "Go Kyle Busch!" My son then yells, "No, Jamie MacMurray." That is fine with me. I am happy that he has a driver that he likes and has met and Jamie Mac seems like a nice gentleman and a responsible one at that. Looking forward to race day!

What is my "Why"

Jillian Michaels says that you need to figure out what your "why" is for why you want to be in shape. She said that having an external source is no good because you will not maintain it. That leaves me wondering, what is my "why?" I have been hitting the gym at 5am for over 2 years now and trust me, that is not easy to maintain day after day after day. I am in the best shape I have ever been in which only makes me want to get in better shape. Do you have any idea how good it is to feel your ab muscles when you put your hands on your hips? I am not even flexing then, but I can still feel them nice and hard. So what is my "why?"
I want to wear a bikini and feel sexy and confident. It is not an external thing at all. Sure do I want my hubby to drool over me in it? Of course, but it is how I feel about myself in it that matters. I wore a bikini last summer and felt ok in it. I want to feel great. I want to wear it and know that I rival most 18 year olds. I want to feel sexy and confident each and every day of my life whether or not I am wearing a burlap sack or a mini skirt and halter top. I want to feel sexy when I wear my old loose PJ's at night. It feels good to be fit and trim and be confident that when I walk in the room, I am confident in how I am carrying myself. The external stuff, well, that is just icing on the cake. It is all about how I feel about me. For me, there is a weight element which is very external. 128 pounds and I will be there, but I am noticing changes in my body that I love, love, love like the ab muscles on the sides. That is my why.

But not for work this week, I would be on my way to Daytona

First let me say, go Kyle Busch. Sorry, but he is one amazing driver. Love him or hate him, if you get racing, you recognize that fact. Last night proved it. Thanks for a great show, KB. I am fan, but he did put on a great show, no doubt. Take the Daytona 500 and I am getting "Go KB 18" on my license plate.
I feel awesome today. It has to be a progesterone high. Now that I am ovulating regularly, I have that lovely hormone pumping through me. I have really sore quads today or I would so go off running in this snow just because I have never in the snow before. I would like to cross that one off the list. I need to rest the quads so indoors I say. I am like a maniac, though. I have vacuumed, folded all of the laundry, danced with the kids and have already finished my daily physical therapy exercises. Yes, Jason, as promised, I will do them every day but Friday. You will NOT see me back with the same problem again.
The question just flashed on Fox's Daytona qualifying coverage "Is this his year" with regard to Carl Edwards. Perhaps. He was such a non participant last night. That leaves me wondering, though, if he has the drive for it. Has he lost steam. I know Kyle Busch is hungry for a championship. Ok, my bias is coming out now, and the Mark Martin/Michael Waltrip Aaron's commercial is pretty cute. Love both MM and MW.
Anyways, back to my life, the snow is pretty. I will give it that, but I am ready for my spring. It is coming so I am not too bummed or angry over the snow. I am pretty sure it will not stick on the roads so there is no snow shoveling in my future which kind of bums me out. The shoveling is one of the things I really like about the snow so if I cannot shovel snow today I would rather be in sunny, warm Daytona. How fun would that be? A full week of NASCAR. I can get on board with that. Plus, the warm weather...even better. Who cannot get on board with a sport that ends when the warm weather ends and starts when spring is coming and has its first race in FL in Feb where it is usually warm. I get weepy when NASCAR ends for that reason. It means that my warm weather is coming to an end.
I seriously have so much energy today that I am about to jump out of my skin. I will take these progesterone effects any day. Your own natural progesterone is best and clearly it is working for me today. It is also probably the Vitamin D I was able to process yesterday. I just sat on the deck while my daughter played and soaked up some sun. I had on plenty of sun screen so hopefully no more melasma is coming my way. Nice combo. I need to find something to do entertain myself now before I take on a major project that I cannot finish today and drives the hubby crazy. That is not true. He pretty much lets me do what I want in the house and never complains which is considerate and what a good hubby does.
What to do next....well, watch qualifying, but along with that.....

Amazing what engaging your hips can do.

Running is now a whole heck of a lot easier. That alone will keep me doing my hip stretches and exercises. I feel strong again and healthy. Running has been great. I ran 4 miles both Wednesday and Friday. I have not done that in ages. I love every second of it. Rowing has been great too. I have to fix the chaffing problem there, but hopefully I can work that out.
Today was 136.5. I am not getting too excited. On January 27th, I weighed 136.0. I thought for sure that next day I would break into the 135 barrier. Nope so I am not expecting it to happen tomorrow. It would be nice if it did, but I am not expecting it. What would be great was if I could stick with a healthier diet this weekend than I normally do on the weekends. Normally I binge and then undo most of the good I did during the week.
Lent starts next week. This year, I am giving up red meat (so I need a big steak tomorrow night,) beer (not that I drink too much but it will keep me from taking sips of the hubby's,) and eating after the kids. That last one will be the hard one. I eat a chicken nugget here and a french fry there. It adds up. Speaking of french fries, maybe I need to add those to the list. I need to think about that one. Fifteen more weeks to lose 8 pounds. Can I do it? I have tried to be as active as I can every moment. I would be lying, though, if I did not say that my mini heater by my desk at work is keeping me closer to my desk so maybe that will be better once it warms up. I have 3 more weeks until my birthday. I have to lose 1.5 pounds by then...maybe I can do it.
I have continued to chicken out of the pole fit class. I really want to buy this sweater dress and I made a promise to myself that I would not buy it until I went to the class. I really want it. It is the perfect mix of appropriateness and sexy. Got to go at some point then, right.

Last day of

Physical therapy. I am very thankful to him for the work he did on me, both emotional and physical. I feel great! I am still dealing with the chaffing from rowing but that is not an issue he can clear up. I have to take care of that one myself.
Is it is any wonder why people hate Valentine's Day? If you are single, it has to be just a reminder of all of the wonderful couples out there. I am not a fan because of the candy. I say that and I am the one who made little candy bags for my co-workers. I just want to create a good work environment, but I guess that means making people fat. I am trying not to be fat so I am avoiding candy like the plague...well, except for yesterday, but I took care of that. I threw it out. Only 10 more pounds to go until I hit my goal weight. I have 16 weeks until June 1 to lose it. I know of at least two weeks where I will not be able to hit the gym like I want to and need to so take those two out of it and make it 14. Can I lose enough each week. Right now I am losing a half a pound a week. That will put me a bit short especially with PMS put in there a few times. Not sure I am going to make it. It will be fun to try.
I keep purchasing these books about women in the process of self-discovery. Do you think that is a coincidence? Probably not. What I found out thus far about myself is that I am not just a mother or a business manager. I am still a woman with my own wants, desires, and needs. I am having fun figuring out exactly what those three things entail. I think my hubby is enjoying it a bit too. The neighbors may not exactly approve of me, but my kids will never be embarrassed nor will my hubby and I am just having fun most days. Life is short. I wasted so much of my youth. I am not wasting a second more.
So speaking of my hubby, I got him a really great Valentine's Day present. I never buy him anything for anything so I am really proud of myself this year. I know he will be very pleased and happy. It is nothing big...more just a nice gesture for him. It feels really good.
Rowing and elliptical tomorrow. I am hoping that if I can work out the chaffing maybe I can row a full 5000 meters tomorrow. Amie and I plan to walk too. I am supposed to do my polefit class tomorrow but I am up in air. Am I just scared to do the class or do I really think it is important to be with my family tomorrow? Still trying to figure that one out....

Ate way too much for breakfast

Now I feel quite ill. I should have stopped with the piece of toast. Hopefully this feeling will go away soon. Moments when I feel like this that urge to purge creeps back in. The nice thing about exercising as much as I do is that I am able to suppress it. So I will sit here and deal. I just hope that I feel well enough to run in an hour or so. Then I can deal a bit better.
Whitney Houston died. I am a bit disturbed. I never knew the woman, but it bothers me because she was so young and seemed so normal and successful at one point. What happens to these celebrities where they just seem to give up and give in to drugs whether it be illegal or prescription? Is life really that bad? I get that having people follow you everywhere has to be annoying, but in this day and age, you have to know that will happen going in. I am sorry for her children. It is very sad.
Aside from the large breakfast, I feel good today. I ate better than usual yesterday. Not great but better than normal for a Saturday. Jon and I had a long talk yesterday about his whole Boston job thing from last spring. I am not sure that anything is further resolved, but at least we discussed it rationally. I realize that there are few guarantees for any of us. That is the frustrating part of life. You take so many chances each day that you do not even realize.
It is very cold this weekend. Depresses me a bit more. I am having trouble visualizing running outside in the am when the am is below 30. Where is my early spring? We got our first and hopefully only snow yesterday. The best thing I can say about it was that it was pretty.

Therapy

Well, my new therapist was a total bust. She is about my mother's age which is not a good thing and made a remark about a very hot societal topic without knowing my full story. It was not good. I need someone I can talk to about intimate things and she will never be that person. Oh well, have to find someone else...
So I ate like crap Saturday and Sunday and felt the pain of it on Monday. Not only was I hugely hormonal, but I felt terrible. It was not a good start to the week. Mercifully I feel a lot better now physically and emotionally and am back down to 137. I will hit 135 by my birthday. I will, I will, I will. I am ready to run 5 miles I think. The most I have done post slipped disk is 4. I am doing 3 fairly regularly, and I am having little issues with the calf now. I just feel like it is time. Once I am doing 4 regularly on Wed and Thurs, I would like to squeeze in a 5-6 mile run on Sundays. I think that I have a really good plan for the spring and summer.
I keep daydreaming back to running outside in the summer. Oh, it is such a great feeling to imagine myself there and feel the sun pouring down on me as I run and just imagine enjoying the quiet of the day. I so want to be there.
I think the hubby and I are ready for a break from the kids for a few days. We need some time to reconnect. I think both of us would say that we feel less connected over the last few weeks. The kids have been really good but we need some time. A wild weekend with the hubby is just what I need. It would be better if it were beach weather, but I will take what I can get.

City Living

Is not for me. First let me say, that I grew up in a mid-sized city and it is a city with no suburbs so I know exactly what city living is like. Yes, the restaurants are nice, but let's face it, because they are not chains, they change every couple of years. The menus are small since they try to keep costs down. The food is usually great or awful. Parking is always terrible. Crime is an issue. It just really is not my cup of tea.
I went out to eat last night with friends and woke up parched (the house is super dry) and bloated. I am now wondering about the amount of sodium I took in last night. I am not weighing myself because I know it is not pretty and that is not from the food I ate. I was very careful. I did eat something with cheese, though, and since I rarely eat cheese now, that maybe what is causing the bloat. I have PMS too; I am sure that is not helping. I had a nice time, though, and it was nice to get out with my friends.
I am hoping to go for a run today outside. If I can rehydrate and it hits 40, I want to go for a 3-4 mile run. I think I can do it. I still think about it and find it hard to believe that less than 3 months ago, I was laid out not able to walk or even lie in bed without relentless pain. Am I glad that is over with. That was one of the worst days of my life. I fear that happening again, but I am hoping with the core strength Jason has me doing and the his strengthening and re-alignment of my hips, it will never happen again.
The Super Bowl is tonight. We are going to a neighbor's pre Super Bowl party. A friend of mine told me that I should make it a bit more interesting.... It is quite tempting. You know I tend to shrink away in large social situations. I think it is a combination of I do not want to mess with it and I am afraid of being judged. This is a situation where I am pretty sure I am already judged by these people so I kind of feel like with that being said, why does it matter any more. and the answer is that it does not.
Let me tell you about my son. He is the sweetest child there is. He is so sweet and thoughtful and just a kind soul. He is also anxious and worries a lot. He definitely takes after me. At his young age, he already expresses sympathy for people. I think that is an amazing trait at his young age. He is wise beyond his years already.
I kind of know what I want for the living room now. I want something that illustrates the seasons. If it is too expensive to get art reflective of the seasons, I will take just spring, but I want something elegant and Victorian like. The seasons reflect the core of who I am. I know that it sounds silly since I hate the fall and winter, but the season are important to me and are in constant focus in my daily life. That might be why I am drawn to the "Boreas" canvas print. It reminds me of late fall, early winter. "Does He Love Me" reminds me of summer and the picture with the chick entering the rose garden reminds me of spring. I guess I am already partway there with my Victoria prints.
Got to start the day....

How I miss the warm sunlit am runs

Last night we were driving home from dinner down the road that takes us to our neighborhood and I had a flashback to running down that road during sunrise on a warm summer morning. It made me long for the warm weather even more. I imagined myself there in that time just running just me and the road and the sun rising. Those am's are lovely and peaceful and warm. This summer with the myriad of health problems I had, I was still able to get some of those runs in, but not nearly as many as I wish I had. I am hoping this summer is different. When the winter depresses me from this moment until it ends, I am going to imagine myself back there on that road just running. The occasional car goes by. Sometimes I will see someone in their yard grabbing the paper or making sure that the sprinkler system is working right. I miss those days so much. So, so much.
I rowed further today than I have in over a year probably. I feel strong; maybe that is why I was able to. For months I have been dealing with my right gluteal muscle tensing up as I row. Sometimes it hurts so much that I can only eek out 3000 meters on days when I row 4000 meters. Jason, my wonderful physical therapist, gave me some strength exercises for the left side since he thinks it is an issue with left side core weakness. I do the hip exercises, stretches, now planks, and everything else he recommends without fail every day but Friday which is my day off from those. Finally today, that muscle tensed about 3000 meters in and then slowly released. It was like magic. I like to do 5000 meters on Saturdays and with that pain on the right side, I usually just deal with it as best I can, but it released and at about 4000 meters it was completely gone. If I saw Jason in the grocery store today, I would seriously just walk up to him and hug him. I wanted to row more than I did, but I have a chaffing issue that I need to address first and I am pretty sure that is something Jason cannot fix. It felt amazing to go as far as I did. Just amazing. A good physical therapist makes all of the difference in the world!