Time

Getting to the end of the summer.  I start to get depressed.  Another year gone.  Why does time move so fast?  In the winter, I guess that I do not mind so much, but in the summer, it haunts me.  What is worse is that this summer I have not taken care of myself.  Old bad habits have come calling.  Of course, I let them in like old friends.  It is hard.  I have make changes and I know it, but I always have a reason not to.  I am terrified of getting fat.  Terrified and I cannot figure out for the life of me why I cannot get myself into this one last area of just living and taking it as far as I can.  Why is food such a comfort for me?  I hate food.  I do.  I hate it.  I hate eating.  I hate the urge to eat and I hate my favorite foods.  I hate that when I tell people I need to lose weight they get all mad at me.  What is wrong with wanting to be a little smaller?  I am in the upper number of a normal bmi so why shouldn't I try to lose weight?  Haven't studies shown that thinner people live longer?  I am not in any danger of becoming anorexic.  I do not get it.  I guess that is part of it.  I cannot really talk to anyone about my desire to lose weight and be healthier.  I get the "Oh you can eat that because you are thin."  I am thin because I do not eat it, but I dig in anyways.  I sometimes feel like the world wants to fatten me up....hubby included.  Sorry, Babe, but it is true.  It is not your fault.  It is how society is wired today.  We always want food because it is fast and easy.  In any event, I am going to try to find an OA meeting around here so maybe I can rid myself of the binging and mindless eating.  Fat chance, but at this point, I am desperate. 
Best to my hubby today.  I know you will do great!  I am so proud of you.

Sad to leave

Last trip to the beach & getting ready to leave. Always makes me sad. I want to go back & start the summer over.  It has been wonderful.  This summer has had a lot of ups & downs but every moment has been real.

Back from vacation and depressed

I love the beach.  I know my hometown beach is not a fancy beach or one of the best beaches in the world.  (I get sick of people saying that when I mention where we vacation especially when they LIVE there!!)  It is a beach, though.  How bad can it be?  I love the beach.  I love being there.  I love everything about it.  It is me.  My hubby says that and he is so right.  I love the fact that there is something always going on and the water and the sand that I hate even.  I want to go back and do it all over.  I am a better person at the beach.  That is probably why I prefer to be there.  I go and I come back depressed.  I don't want to go back to my real life with work.  I want my family there with me so it is not about them. 
I wanted to say too that I meet the nicest people at the beach.  We have met most of the hotel staff where we stay and they are amazing.  We were lucky enough to meet a very kind gentleman from Turkey.  He is so kind and super hard working.  He goes back home in September.  My son adores him and truly believes we will see him again next year.  How do I tell a 7 year old that he met this man for the last time this past week?  It got me thinking and wondering if we would ever hear from him again and if we wanted to, how would we hear from him again?  Facebook?  Is it time for me to get on?  I would hate it, but I would do it to keep in touch with our friend. 
I am pretty much going vegetarian.  I am still only about a third of the way through The China Study, but it is compelling clinically speaking.  It is so boring because it is very clinical.  Not my kind of reading.