Tired just plain tired

Have you ever been just worn down. This is not the exhaustion I felt when I was mothering a newborn. That was the worst. This is just being physically and mentally tired. That was pure physical exhaustion. I realized today that I am just UNHAPPY in a big way. My hubby always says that I never do anything for myself. I always disagreed. I feel that I do lots for myself. I get up at 4:30a (yes torture to some--me included some days...) to go to the gym. That is what I do for myself. It is my time for myself to just lose myself in my thoughts and workout and I always feel better. I do not think that I ever go to work that day thinking, "I wish I had stayed in bed." In fact in the summer when I am up and out running at 5:30a (because it is sunrise which I love) I love coming home at 6:30, spending a half hour outside brushing the cat, and then taking a shower to start my day. It feels wonderful. I am too tired for getting up at 4:30a right now. My son's illness has kept me awake all night. Not to mention my daughter's general issues going on. I think she is out of sorts because of my son's illness and lack of schedule due in part to his illness and our crazy lifestyle over the last several weeks. Anyways, now I am truly left without something for that I do for me. I do not go to work for myself. I do not cook dinner for myself. I certainly do not shop for myself. It is what it is. I am hoping to get out tomorrow in the am. My daughter might wake up early again, but I figure if she does I will take her with me again. Personally I would prefer to go alone and listen to some music and lose my thoughts, but if I have to, I will take her with me. It was nice to have her on the walk, but I would really prefer some time alone.
My son is better. Read today that spasmodic croup tends to hit boys more than girls so it makes sense that Jackson gets it. We just need to figure out a way to keep him healthy and without a cold since those always set him off. This episode while bad was mild when compared with his last few episodes. We did not have an episode of stridor like we did the last three times. Those were very scary moments. I am just glad he is mostly recovered. Poor guy.
Here is to a good night's sleep. I guess I should not have had that CokeZero with dinner!