I had a professional colleague today tell me that I am one the nicest and smartest people he has worked with. It meant a lot coming from him especially, but the question he asked after threw me for a moment. He asked if I could change one thing, anything, what would it be? In reference to myself, I would immediately say, "To stop picking myself apart all of the time." Then I got to thinking about that, though. Isn't the fact that I pick myself apart all of the time, well, isn't that part of what drives me to be nice and smart and better every day? I take a lot of pride in the fact that most days, I try to live the best life I can. (Most days, that is!! I cannot stress that enough.) I try to eat well, smile a lot, and be kind to everyone because everyone deserves kindness. The fact that I am so critical of myself, isn't that what drives me to know how to be better the next day? I understand the criticism part, and yes, I agree that I need to let some of that go, but some of it, a lot of it, I need to embrace because it does drive me to do better tomorrow and the next day and the next day.
Back on track with eating. I am hopefully slimming down again from the weight I magically gained overnight. I must end up with a lot of inflammation from either sugar or processed carbs. One of those items, clearly does my body in. I went to the gym to lift weight again today. It felt great! Well, my arms are like jelly again, but I like it. I am very self conscious while I am there so I try to move and finish as quickly as I can. The weight area is definitely a man's land. I have been thinking more and more about fitness competitions. Am I insane to even consider it? I have skin that hangs from the weight loss over a decade ago. That will not help me at all. I do not know. I think it sounds crazy, but it is something I am really considering.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want to accomplish before the end of the year. A few things on the list are 1. do the pole exercise class 2. get down in weight to 125 3. move to 25 pounds in barbell weights. (I am at 15 now.) 4. learn to hula hoop (I am well on my way there. I have been practicing.)
I know one thing I really want to accomplish in 2015. I want to win my age division in the Henrico 5k. I ran it in 2011 and 2013 and came in 3rd both years. I want to win it in 2015. It is going to require a lot of speed work over the winter, but I feel like maybe I can do it. I just want to do it all, but I only have so many hours in the day. I could really use a few more. Is there any way to elongate the days?
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Estrogen depression?
I kind of wonder now. I feel like a different person. Maybe it is because a lot of extraneous pieces of my life are coming together. (Ok, pieces that seemed extraneous.) I do not know. Part of me thinks that the estrogen dominance was causing some problems. The running was phenomenal today, well, for me anyways. I did 8 with no problem and my last three miles got faster and faster. My last mile was a 9:17 pace. I feel great. The hubby and I are being really spontaneous these days in our general lives. Maybe that is part of too. We are no longer just sitting at home doing nothing. We went to Nationals' game yesterday. It was amazing and everything I thought it would be. Keep in mind that this was after our trip to Philly last week. We are just baseball crazy here!
I started lifting weights and I love it! It is not all that surprising. I am not one who has ever shied away from a challenge. I feel powerful when I do it which I like. I am not sure that I am seeing any physical differences, but I am happy with it. I hope to have the time to keep it up. I want people to view me as powerful. My whole life I spent my days I wanting to be viewed as though I needed protection because I am a woman. Do we not tell our children that girls are weak and need protection. My sister was weak due to cancer and she got all of the attention from everyone growing up so naturally the message I was given was to be weak and need help all of the time. Models even send us the same message each day by being underweight and emaciated. I do not want to look like that. I want to look and be strong. I saw a picture of myself from last summer. I an in a two piece and while it is evident that I have had children, my body looks great. I want that back and I want to look even better. It should not be too hard. Only a tad bit has been lost in the last 10 months. So for now weights are my friend. I am certainly enjoying them. I just hope that I can find the time to keep with them. So maybe a dream one day is to do a fitness contest. Why not? I am not sure that I have the courage to do it, but it is nice to dream. I dreamed for years about losing weight and then I did it so maybe...
I sit here watching a baseball game. How much I missed it.
I want to thank my BFF for being patient and supportive during this last month when the running suffered. She was ultra patient and never complained about walking. Her support made all of the difference. I was struggling both physically and emotionally. It rocked my identity as a runner and so much of my personal identity is about running. I could no longer see who I am. I am back and better than I was before. One of Runner's World quotes the other day was "Remember why you run not just today, but every day." I think about that a lot. I initially started running because I needed to lose some extra weight and it gives you a lot of bang for your buck! Then I kept running because I liked what it did for my body and because I was always one of the least athletic girls in school. I never ran the mile or anything like that. Then I fell in love with it and a specific race in this wonderful little town that calls itself the center of the universe. (I run it every year and will until I die.) Then I met my BFF and with that, running became a large part of my identity. Now it is a large part of who I am. That is why it is the year to run the marathon. I have been injured and I have now had performance anxiety in the running. I have overcome both. I am a runner and knowing that makes me happy and at peace. The biggest challenge is to stay in a place where I love the running. That is hard when you are running 15+ miles on a run, but I plan to be smarter this year. I loved running today! I loved every moment of it and the first hour flew on by!
I started lifting weights and I love it! It is not all that surprising. I am not one who has ever shied away from a challenge. I feel powerful when I do it which I like. I am not sure that I am seeing any physical differences, but I am happy with it. I hope to have the time to keep it up. I want people to view me as powerful. My whole life I spent my days I wanting to be viewed as though I needed protection because I am a woman. Do we not tell our children that girls are weak and need protection. My sister was weak due to cancer and she got all of the attention from everyone growing up so naturally the message I was given was to be weak and need help all of the time. Models even send us the same message each day by being underweight and emaciated. I do not want to look like that. I want to look and be strong. I saw a picture of myself from last summer. I an in a two piece and while it is evident that I have had children, my body looks great. I want that back and I want to look even better. It should not be too hard. Only a tad bit has been lost in the last 10 months. So for now weights are my friend. I am certainly enjoying them. I just hope that I can find the time to keep with them. So maybe a dream one day is to do a fitness contest. Why not? I am not sure that I have the courage to do it, but it is nice to dream. I dreamed for years about losing weight and then I did it so maybe...
I sit here watching a baseball game. How much I missed it.
I want to thank my BFF for being patient and supportive during this last month when the running suffered. She was ultra patient and never complained about walking. Her support made all of the difference. I was struggling both physically and emotionally. It rocked my identity as a runner and so much of my personal identity is about running. I could no longer see who I am. I am back and better than I was before. One of Runner's World quotes the other day was "Remember why you run not just today, but every day." I think about that a lot. I initially started running because I needed to lose some extra weight and it gives you a lot of bang for your buck! Then I kept running because I liked what it did for my body and because I was always one of the least athletic girls in school. I never ran the mile or anything like that. Then I fell in love with it and a specific race in this wonderful little town that calls itself the center of the universe. (I run it every year and will until I die.) Then I met my BFF and with that, running became a large part of my identity. Now it is a large part of who I am. That is why it is the year to run the marathon. I have been injured and I have now had performance anxiety in the running. I have overcome both. I am a runner and knowing that makes me happy and at peace. The biggest challenge is to stay in a place where I love the running. That is hard when you are running 15+ miles on a run, but I plan to be smarter this year. I loved running today! I loved every moment of it and the first hour flew on by!
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Perhaps cured of high estrogen?
Do I dare so that or does saying it mean that my estrogen will go roaring to new heights? I do not know, but what I do know is that for the first time in years, I had a normal start to my period. One day I did not have my period and the next day I did. There was no build up, no days of bleeding leading up to it, and no horrible PMS (ok I did have one day of being in a bad mood) beforehand. I gave up sugar. Yes, I did. I gave up added sugar and processed carbs. The only carbs I eat now are fruits and vegetables and beans and I do eat 1 slice of whole wheat bread a day, but it is just one slice. That is it. (Bok choy has become a very good friend of mine. I eat my weight in it each week.) For whatever reason, it has made all of the difference in the world. Studies are true. Sugar and carbs do bad things for some people. I will be honest. I would love a loaf of french bread. I would love a piece of pizza, but the benefit of not bleeding all month, is worth the price I pay to give those things up. I feel better not worrying about bleeding all of the time. Might the random bleeding come back, perhaps, but this cycle was a good one so I am hopeful.
I also came to another realization this month. I will never be petite. I have said that before, but I truly accept it now. Lucy equated being petite with being beautiful. I have rejected that. Thank you to the wonderful women at Oxygen magazine, I now see that I can be beautiful in a strong way. I can work with my body. My body is stronger than most women. I think I can build muscle better and faster and larger than most women. I am broad to begin with just by nature. Why not work with that? I started lifting weights this week. It is something I hope I can maintain. I am not worried about not keeping it up for the lack of desire but more for the lack of time. I want to be strong and beautiful and I now know that I can be both. Hopefully I will start to see some positive changes in the next few weeks. The magazine said to skip the "women's weights" and go big so I have. Go big or go home so they say. I definitely adopt that in many aspects of my life so why not with this too.
My tests for the running all came back clear and today's run was fantastic in a fun and challenging way. As I told my BFF last Friday after we ran 7, "I am back!" I will try to remember the awful feeling of being anxious about running and try to remember why I run today and even more so why I run every day. I want to be strong and powerful. I can do so and still be sexy and feminine.
Now I am off to eat more fruit...
I also came to another realization this month. I will never be petite. I have said that before, but I truly accept it now. Lucy equated being petite with being beautiful. I have rejected that. Thank you to the wonderful women at Oxygen magazine, I now see that I can be beautiful in a strong way. I can work with my body. My body is stronger than most women. I think I can build muscle better and faster and larger than most women. I am broad to begin with just by nature. Why not work with that? I started lifting weights this week. It is something I hope I can maintain. I am not worried about not keeping it up for the lack of desire but more for the lack of time. I want to be strong and beautiful and I now know that I can be both. Hopefully I will start to see some positive changes in the next few weeks. The magazine said to skip the "women's weights" and go big so I have. Go big or go home so they say. I definitely adopt that in many aspects of my life so why not with this too.
My tests for the running all came back clear and today's run was fantastic in a fun and challenging way. As I told my BFF last Friday after we ran 7, "I am back!" I will try to remember the awful feeling of being anxious about running and try to remember why I run today and even more so why I run every day. I want to be strong and powerful. I can do so and still be sexy and feminine.
Now I am off to eat more fruit...
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