I ended up running and had a really great run. I am glad that I did it. I don't feel like running tonight, but think I am going to try again unless, of course, the rain stops me. I realized something about myself. I am not a very good parent. I let my son stay up late just to keep him happy which makes me happy but he is, therefore, tired a lot. I need to do better.
I still hate my body. I am thinner. At 5 ft 7 in, I weight 156 pounds so I am not too much overweight. I just long for the day that I weight under 150. I will be pretty excited then.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Glad it is over and other news
I am relieved that the visit with the jerky sales manager is over. He is a jerk and did he ever prove it. He kept staring at me like he expected me to flirt with him. Umm, I don't think so. I am glad that they left today. I plan to keep my dealings with him to a minimum. Knowing he was coming did keep me on track for my weight loss and work outs. I will have to find some new motivation.
I hate the week before my period. I want to eat EVERYTHING in site and I never feel like running. Part of me would prefer to go for a long walk tonight like I planned last night. (The lightning stopped me.) I didn't get my walk last night and now I need to run tonight. I am having a hard time motivating myself, but I really want to lose another 26 pounds so I just need to remind myself to keep working at it.
I started to think yesterday about how some things don't change for very good reasons. I wanted to lose weight in college. I weighed about 185 pounds then. I am 5 ft 7 in so I was a good 30 pounds minimum overweight. I gained more and more as time went on. I hated it, but if I had not stayed that way, I am not sure that I would have the things that I have in my life right now. I might have done some stupid things like cheated on Jon or something which meant that I would not have him now. I may want to look younger, but I wouldn't do a thing differently so I am glad that I am not younger. Youth definitely has its advantages, but so does age. I know now that I should have saved like crazy back in my 20's. I am saving like crazy now, but I am 32. It would have been better to start earlier. I wish that I had.
I noticed that people are starting to notice me more. I know that I look better thinner so it is kind of funny to me. That does help today when I need motivation to run. Maybe I will just walk. I don't want to ever hate running so maybe walking for an hour is enough.
At least the long weekend is coming up.
I hate the week before my period. I want to eat EVERYTHING in site and I never feel like running. Part of me would prefer to go for a long walk tonight like I planned last night. (The lightning stopped me.) I didn't get my walk last night and now I need to run tonight. I am having a hard time motivating myself, but I really want to lose another 26 pounds so I just need to remind myself to keep working at it.
I started to think yesterday about how some things don't change for very good reasons. I wanted to lose weight in college. I weighed about 185 pounds then. I am 5 ft 7 in so I was a good 30 pounds minimum overweight. I gained more and more as time went on. I hated it, but if I had not stayed that way, I am not sure that I would have the things that I have in my life right now. I might have done some stupid things like cheated on Jon or something which meant that I would not have him now. I may want to look younger, but I wouldn't do a thing differently so I am glad that I am not younger. Youth definitely has its advantages, but so does age. I know now that I should have saved like crazy back in my 20's. I am saving like crazy now, but I am 32. It would have been better to start earlier. I wish that I had.
I noticed that people are starting to notice me more. I know that I look better thinner so it is kind of funny to me. That does help today when I need motivation to run. Maybe I will just walk. I don't want to ever hate running so maybe walking for an hour is enough.
At least the long weekend is coming up.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Why do I let jerks get to me?
I thought that my aggravation with one of my co-workers would help out with my running tonight. I thought that it would fuel me a little more, but honestly, I think it inhibited me a bit. I only made it two miles (yes, I cannot believe that I just said that.) I think I was too worked up to really get a good mindset for running. I was not planning to ride the bike, but I tried. I am just not into it tonight so I will settle for the 2 miles. It is just such a disappointment after the great 3.2 mile run I had last night.
I am left wondering now why I let this jerk who isn't even in my local office get to me. I think I am spoiled. No one else with whom I work is disrespectful and that includes my boss. My boss is always very respectful and expects the same from everyone. The worst part is that the jerk is coming to our office on Monday so I have meet him. I am dreading it in some ways. In others, knowing that I am going to meet him for the first time on Monday has helped to fuel my one-third life crisis. Why? I think that looking good is good revenge when it comes to dealing with men. It drives them crazy when a pretty chick doesn't give them the time of day. I will be polite, of course, but I will make sure he gets that I don't have the time of day for him. He will get the message. Of that, I am quite sure. Anyways, knowing that I am going to see him has helped to stop me from eating that last cracker and has kept me at least walking most nights. Now that I think about it, maybe I should hop back up on that bike...
I am left wondering now why I let this jerk who isn't even in my local office get to me. I think I am spoiled. No one else with whom I work is disrespectful and that includes my boss. My boss is always very respectful and expects the same from everyone. The worst part is that the jerk is coming to our office on Monday so I have meet him. I am dreading it in some ways. In others, knowing that I am going to meet him for the first time on Monday has helped to fuel my one-third life crisis. Why? I think that looking good is good revenge when it comes to dealing with men. It drives them crazy when a pretty chick doesn't give them the time of day. I will be polite, of course, but I will make sure he gets that I don't have the time of day for him. He will get the message. Of that, I am quite sure. Anyways, knowing that I am going to see him has helped to stop me from eating that last cracker and has kept me at least walking most nights. Now that I think about it, maybe I should hop back up on that bike...
Sunday, August 17, 2008
What I learned this weekend and Michael Phelps.
This weekend, my husband and I spent the night away from the kids. It is the first time since I had my son almost 3 years ago that we have had a total kidless night. It taught me a good deal about aging, but I will get to that in a minute.
After the plumbing drama we had this week, we needed time to decompress. Thursday and Friday was so stressful. Our yard has been put back together for the most part. We are trying to grow grass where it was dug up. That is the last piece left. Once it comes in, the only reminder we will have is what is left to pay on the plumbing bill.
Jon and I left the house about 2p on Saturday. Jon's mom stayed with the kids. She is great with them, and they love her. We went shopping which was nice, but I started to stress more and more about the kids, particularly Maggie, my 10 month old. Let me tell you a little bit about her to explain why leaving her was so stressful. Maggie started walking at 8.5 months old. She tries running now at 10 months. She climbs everything she can find and has no fear what so ever. She scares me because she does what she wants and goes where she wants. My son always listened even at an early age, and he was much less adventurous. I just kept thinking about her getting away from my mother-in-law and climbing the stairs and falling. That thought stressed me out a good deal for the night. I knew, though, once it was 7:30pish that the kids would be getting ready for bed so I could relax a bit, and I did.
We went to dinner at 7p. I ate way too much and got sick. I enjoyed the beer we had and the margarita, but not like I did 10 years ago. We also went out to a bar for a little bit at 9:30p. It was fun, but I felt too old to be there just hanging out. It was nice to be away, but I missed my kids.
So what did I learn from our Saturday night away?
1. My stomach is used to small meals now. Bonus for me with living a healthier life, but minus on trying to load up on the one weekend I want to enjoy.
2. Alcohol is no longer my friend and honestly, I don't really want it that much any way. I am truly ready to embrace a healthy life. The occasional beer is fine, but in excess, I don't really care for it.
3. I like being a mom. I am not enjoying the stupid Mickey Mouse Club video I am watching right now, but I enjoy being with my kids. They are a lot of work, but very amusing, and I genuinely like them.
4. Maybe I don't want to be young again. I just want to look young. I think that is the key. Or if I want to be young, it is with the experience and wisdom I have picked up over the last 10 years that way. I wouldn't drink like I did back when I was younger nor would I smoke at all. (I smoked for 4 years until I was 23.) I would also take better care of my body.
5. The best Monte Cristo is made at the Cheesecake Factory, and for all of you health people, I only ate half of it!
The night was good, but I am glad to be home and in my regular routine. I hope that this a better week.
Congrats to Michael Phelps. He is an amazing swimmer, but seriously, I wish his sisters or his publicist would make him do something about his eyebrows and teeth. Ok, he has a ton of money so he can afford it. I don't get working that hard to win medals and then not caring that your eyebrows look like caterpillars above your eyes and that your teeth are all crooked. Dude, spend some money on your appearance. You have a wonderful physique and could look a lot better in general. It will cost you a small part of what you make each year. It is worth it!
I am off to my routine in a minute. I don't feel like running tonight, but still want to walk at least. I need some time out of this house. Last week was a terrible week and that may have been why the time away wasn't as ideal. Jon and I really needed time to decompress and not try to party, I think.
Speaking of running, I was thinking earlier if I had to do it all over again, maybe I would be a distance runner. Are there any 40 year old distance runners in the Olympics? I wonder if Kyle Bush digs runners. He seems to prefer brunettes so that is a strike against me.
After the plumbing drama we had this week, we needed time to decompress. Thursday and Friday was so stressful. Our yard has been put back together for the most part. We are trying to grow grass where it was dug up. That is the last piece left. Once it comes in, the only reminder we will have is what is left to pay on the plumbing bill.
Jon and I left the house about 2p on Saturday. Jon's mom stayed with the kids. She is great with them, and they love her. We went shopping which was nice, but I started to stress more and more about the kids, particularly Maggie, my 10 month old. Let me tell you a little bit about her to explain why leaving her was so stressful. Maggie started walking at 8.5 months old. She tries running now at 10 months. She climbs everything she can find and has no fear what so ever. She scares me because she does what she wants and goes where she wants. My son always listened even at an early age, and he was much less adventurous. I just kept thinking about her getting away from my mother-in-law and climbing the stairs and falling. That thought stressed me out a good deal for the night. I knew, though, once it was 7:30pish that the kids would be getting ready for bed so I could relax a bit, and I did.
We went to dinner at 7p. I ate way too much and got sick. I enjoyed the beer we had and the margarita, but not like I did 10 years ago. We also went out to a bar for a little bit at 9:30p. It was fun, but I felt too old to be there just hanging out. It was nice to be away, but I missed my kids.
So what did I learn from our Saturday night away?
1. My stomach is used to small meals now. Bonus for me with living a healthier life, but minus on trying to load up on the one weekend I want to enjoy.
2. Alcohol is no longer my friend and honestly, I don't really want it that much any way. I am truly ready to embrace a healthy life. The occasional beer is fine, but in excess, I don't really care for it.
3. I like being a mom. I am not enjoying the stupid Mickey Mouse Club video I am watching right now, but I enjoy being with my kids. They are a lot of work, but very amusing, and I genuinely like them.
4. Maybe I don't want to be young again. I just want to look young. I think that is the key. Or if I want to be young, it is with the experience and wisdom I have picked up over the last 10 years that way. I wouldn't drink like I did back when I was younger nor would I smoke at all. (I smoked for 4 years until I was 23.) I would also take better care of my body.
5. The best Monte Cristo is made at the Cheesecake Factory, and for all of you health people, I only ate half of it!
The night was good, but I am glad to be home and in my regular routine. I hope that this a better week.
Congrats to Michael Phelps. He is an amazing swimmer, but seriously, I wish his sisters or his publicist would make him do something about his eyebrows and teeth. Ok, he has a ton of money so he can afford it. I don't get working that hard to win medals and then not caring that your eyebrows look like caterpillars above your eyes and that your teeth are all crooked. Dude, spend some money on your appearance. You have a wonderful physique and could look a lot better in general. It will cost you a small part of what you make each year. It is worth it!
I am off to my routine in a minute. I don't feel like running tonight, but still want to walk at least. I need some time out of this house. Last week was a terrible week and that may have been why the time away wasn't as ideal. Jon and I really needed time to decompress and not try to party, I think.
Speaking of running, I was thinking earlier if I had to do it all over again, maybe I would be a distance runner. Are there any 40 year old distance runners in the Olympics? I wonder if Kyle Bush digs runners. He seems to prefer brunettes so that is a strike against me.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Plumbing issues
Having a one-third life crisis when you have major plumbing issues in your house is more trying. Why? Well, our yard looks like we live in Georgia (the country not the state.) So not only are we paying for the plumbing, but now we have to repair the yard. More money to keep the house up and less money to help me get a new look. The big joke is that my husband has been talking for years about "getting a new look." That started at my oldest nephew's 8th or 9th birthday party. It was a roller skating party. There was a dude there who I thought was my husband when I saw him from behind. When I told my hubby that, he looked at the dude and told me, "It is time for a new look." My oldest nephew will be 14 this November if that tells you anything. So now I am in search of my "new look." Yes, I would like to dress a little more provocatively and maybe accessorize a little better. I hope 5 or 6 years from now I will not still be in the process of searching for my new look. Ugh. In 5 years I will be on the downward slide to 40. Excuse me while I go throw up now.
I also realized that I need to work on how Jon and I deal with stress in our lives especially when our kids are around. We do not deal with it well, and it definitely affects our son who is almost 3. We need to do better. My son is very sensitive. He gets very upset when he is put in a time out or thinks he is being punished. He really berates himself even at his young age. We need to be more careful around him. Part of what has been so frustrating about our household issues is that I don't want to be an adult right now. I don't want to be 32 with plumbing problems. I want to be 25 and out dancing and not worrying about my yard.
Ok, keep thinking the following:
1. I do not live in Georgia (Again the country not the state.)
2. My kids are relatively healthy for the most part. (Yes, my son has a cold, but it is just a cold.)
3. The rash from the firming cream seems to be getting better slowly but surely and the itch cream does help.
4. About 5 people today told me how thin I am getting including my husband. That was nice.
5. I ran 3 miles when I did not even want to walk tonight.
6. Tomorrow is Friday.
7. I do not live in Georgia (The state this time. Sorry, I have never been a fan.)
It could be worse.
I also realized that I need to work on how Jon and I deal with stress in our lives especially when our kids are around. We do not deal with it well, and it definitely affects our son who is almost 3. We need to do better. My son is very sensitive. He gets very upset when he is put in a time out or thinks he is being punished. He really berates himself even at his young age. We need to be more careful around him. Part of what has been so frustrating about our household issues is that I don't want to be an adult right now. I don't want to be 32 with plumbing problems. I want to be 25 and out dancing and not worrying about my yard.
Ok, keep thinking the following:
1. I do not live in Georgia (Again the country not the state.)
2. My kids are relatively healthy for the most part. (Yes, my son has a cold, but it is just a cold.)
3. The rash from the firming cream seems to be getting better slowly but surely and the itch cream does help.
4. About 5 people today told me how thin I am getting including my husband. That was nice.
5. I ran 3 miles when I did not even want to walk tonight.
6. Tomorrow is Friday.
7. I do not live in Georgia (The state this time. Sorry, I have never been a fan.)
It could be worse.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tiffy's One Third Life Crisis the Start
I realized the other day that I am going through a one third life crisis. I know this for several reasons.
1. I am 32 years old.
2. Several years ago, I promised a co-worker and friend that I would sport a bikini again when I was 96. You do the math.
3. After giving birth to my second and final child, I am totally into taking care of my body for the first time in a long time so I don't eat sweets, and I work out almost every spare moment I get which means I spend a lot of time running or on our stationary bike.
4. I have started having dreams about young race car drivers.
5. I am seriously thinking about coloring my hair for the first time in well, 32 years.
6. I may actually sport a bikini next summer (64 years early.)
7. I feel that I am ready for a serious change in style. If we had not just needed several thousand dollars for a plumbing repair, I likely would have started down that path already.
So here I am at 32 with two kids and a great husband and all the while, I am going through this one third life crisis. Each day I wake up and while I love my life and would not change a thing with it, I want to change me. I miss that spark I had when I was in my early twenties. Granted, I was pretty overweight then and generally unhappy, but I didn't mind being noticed and I didn't mind attention. Lately, I have been more content to fade to the back, and I don't like that. I want that spark back. I want to be young and feel young rather than feeling old so I started seriously cutting back calories and exercising like a nut. It has paid off. I have dropped 12 pounds. (I need to drop about 20 overall.) I plan to now drop another 30. The weight is melting off due to my activities which is nice. Then I bought firming cream to help with my flabby arms. That was a mistake. I am now broken out in hives from what my chemist hubby thinks are the proteins in the lotion. I had to stop using that stuff. Now, I find myself fearful that my son's coming on cold will spread to me and interrupt my work outs so I am using sanitizer like crazy.
When I told my co-workers I was going through a one third life crisis, they said that is the "in" thing right now so at least I have that going on so maybe I am getting a little hipper if nothing else.
I guess the big question for me now is should I color my hair? It is a very dark blonde. I have never colored it and fear coloring it will mean that I can never return it to its natural color. I should mention that I am pretty lazy in general so I worry about trying to keep the color up once it is colored. Everyone asks if I would go darker or lighter. I honestly don't know. I think a platinum blonde would make me look really young, but I love people with dark hair and blue eyes so I am tempted to go in that direction. I don't know what to do. How long does a crisis like this last? I have no desire to buy a fancy car or run off with a young race car driver. Well, unless it is Kyle Bush....
1. I am 32 years old.
2. Several years ago, I promised a co-worker and friend that I would sport a bikini again when I was 96. You do the math.
3. After giving birth to my second and final child, I am totally into taking care of my body for the first time in a long time so I don't eat sweets, and I work out almost every spare moment I get which means I spend a lot of time running or on our stationary bike.
4. I have started having dreams about young race car drivers.
5. I am seriously thinking about coloring my hair for the first time in well, 32 years.
6. I may actually sport a bikini next summer (64 years early.)
7. I feel that I am ready for a serious change in style. If we had not just needed several thousand dollars for a plumbing repair, I likely would have started down that path already.
So here I am at 32 with two kids and a great husband and all the while, I am going through this one third life crisis. Each day I wake up and while I love my life and would not change a thing with it, I want to change me. I miss that spark I had when I was in my early twenties. Granted, I was pretty overweight then and generally unhappy, but I didn't mind being noticed and I didn't mind attention. Lately, I have been more content to fade to the back, and I don't like that. I want that spark back. I want to be young and feel young rather than feeling old so I started seriously cutting back calories and exercising like a nut. It has paid off. I have dropped 12 pounds. (I need to drop about 20 overall.) I plan to now drop another 30. The weight is melting off due to my activities which is nice. Then I bought firming cream to help with my flabby arms. That was a mistake. I am now broken out in hives from what my chemist hubby thinks are the proteins in the lotion. I had to stop using that stuff. Now, I find myself fearful that my son's coming on cold will spread to me and interrupt my work outs so I am using sanitizer like crazy.
When I told my co-workers I was going through a one third life crisis, they said that is the "in" thing right now so at least I have that going on so maybe I am getting a little hipper if nothing else.
I guess the big question for me now is should I color my hair? It is a very dark blonde. I have never colored it and fear coloring it will mean that I can never return it to its natural color. I should mention that I am pretty lazy in general so I worry about trying to keep the color up once it is colored. Everyone asks if I would go darker or lighter. I honestly don't know. I think a platinum blonde would make me look really young, but I love people with dark hair and blue eyes so I am tempted to go in that direction. I don't know what to do. How long does a crisis like this last? I have no desire to buy a fancy car or run off with a young race car driver. Well, unless it is Kyle Bush....
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