My daughter seems to enjoy our walks

I took my daughter with me both today and yesterday which means that I did not get to run either day, but 1. I feel like that is ok because it rests my knee even further. 2. Trust me, pushing 36 pounds in a stroller as I am walking about a 15:15 mile is no easy task. I am definitely getting a full body workout. I like taking her with me, but I really need some time alone. That may be just enough to get me out of bed at 4:30am tomorrow to go to the gym which virtually NEVER happens on a Monday. My daughter keeps waking up before I leave for the walk/run. Any time that happens she is going with me. She likes to see the animals and other people. Yesterday we got to see the sun rise. It was beautiful. Today it rained on us for the last mile. I was a bit disappointed because I had to stop and get her covered with the umbrella and stuff and then we have the argument over how low the umbrella should be. It slowed us down a bit. I was pretty happy, though, when I saw that our first mile was done in 14:05. For pushing a child in a stroller, I thought that was pretty good. My knee felt good too and due to the sprinklers, we had to run a little bit. I am pleased overall,but now a little bitter that the sun is trying to come out...
142.6 again today which means that I have not gained weight so far this weekend which I usually do. My goal is to now hit 130 by my birthday since I will be 35 after all. That gives me 24 weeks. I figure I can do a half pound a week. My husband and I need to figure out the whole breast implant thing and what makes sense. We need to talk about finances and such and figure out what is left on his loans and such and then go from there. We still have yet to book our disney trip which makes me nervous. We always talk about doing stuff, but never do it. Maybe we were reaching too high. I do not know. We have a lot to figure out.

Tired just plain tired

Have you ever been just worn down. This is not the exhaustion I felt when I was mothering a newborn. That was the worst. This is just being physically and mentally tired. That was pure physical exhaustion. I realized today that I am just UNHAPPY in a big way. My hubby always says that I never do anything for myself. I always disagreed. I feel that I do lots for myself. I get up at 4:30a (yes torture to some--me included some days...) to go to the gym. That is what I do for myself. It is my time for myself to just lose myself in my thoughts and workout and I always feel better. I do not think that I ever go to work that day thinking, "I wish I had stayed in bed." In fact in the summer when I am up and out running at 5:30a (because it is sunrise which I love) I love coming home at 6:30, spending a half hour outside brushing the cat, and then taking a shower to start my day. It feels wonderful. I am too tired for getting up at 4:30a right now. My son's illness has kept me awake all night. Not to mention my daughter's general issues going on. I think she is out of sorts because of my son's illness and lack of schedule due in part to his illness and our crazy lifestyle over the last several weeks. Anyways, now I am truly left without something for that I do for me. I do not go to work for myself. I do not cook dinner for myself. I certainly do not shop for myself. It is what it is. I am hoping to get out tomorrow in the am. My daughter might wake up early again, but I figure if she does I will take her with me again. Personally I would prefer to go alone and listen to some music and lose my thoughts, but if I have to, I will take her with me. It was nice to have her on the walk, but I would really prefer some time alone.
My son is better. Read today that spasmodic croup tends to hit boys more than girls so it makes sense that Jackson gets it. We just need to figure out a way to keep him healthy and without a cold since those always set him off. This episode while bad was mild when compared with his last few episodes. We did not have an episode of stridor like we did the last three times. Those were very scary moments. I am just glad he is mostly recovered. Poor guy.
Here is to a good night's sleep. I guess I should not have had that CokeZero with dinner!

Fat girl

Today the fat girl inside of me came out. I was home with my sick son, and she came a calling. Normally I silence her, but today I gave in. I had ice cream. It was a wonderful peanut butter ice cream with mini peanut butter cups inside. Now, if Target had had my favorite, cheesecake brownie, I would have likely eaten the whole thing, but they did not so I got a one serving ice cream from Edy's. It was good. I ate lots of french fries with dinner too. The irony being that I rarely make french fries any more. I figured that the poor girl rarely gets to live a little. I was going to allow her to live a little today. Tomorrow is a different story. I have not been able to get back to the gym due to my illness and now my son's. I am planning tomorrow depending on how tonight goes. My son has croup and the problem with croup is that it is always worse at night. But if not tomorrow, then I will try Saturday. I will not likely run more than a 5k on Saturday. I need to get back into it slowly. If I do not get to test my knee tomorrow at the am at the gym, then I will likely just walk this weekend anyways. I think I am fully healed, but I do not want to risk re-injury. I ran up the stairs a few times today. My knee felt fine.
My husband claims he is drained from this cold. That is how I felt Monday. I told him that he would feel that way come Thurs or Fri. The good news is that it is downhill from that point. The bad news is that the recovery in general is slow. I hit the wall today at 4p. I was just too tired to do anything else. Granted, I worked my tail off this am cleaning the house and organizing the kids' toys while my son rested, but still. I am hoping to be completely back to normal tomorrow. I just want to feel energized and normal.
I feel like we contributed to Jackson's illness. We did not have him nap this weekend and he went to bed late both Fri and Sat night. I know he would have gotten the cold anyways. (We have all had it now.) I honestly believe that lack of sleep makes your immune system weaker. I really believe that with children. Anyways, I feel like sometimes we do not do our children any favors. We just need to do better to take care of our children and each other. We spend so much time worry about pleasing others instead of focusing on what works for us and for our family. We have got to fix that.
I have resolved my goals to get to 130 by my 35th birthday. I just threw up as I typed that by the way. I just realized that I turn 35 in less than 6 months. Yuck. I knew I was 34, but I guess I did not realize how close 35 is. (Ok actually for a minute there, I thought I was 33 and turning 34. Funny how you start denying early.)
Ok, I would like to point out to all of the fall lovers that my son (half of my family actually) is ill for the first day of fall. Trust me, it is an uphill battle from here. Tis the season of cold, flu, and illness...glad someone enjoys cold and flu season.

Another episode of croup and one grouchy child

And the grouchy child is not the same one who has croup....
This house is fun. My hubby is sick. My daughter is waking up early so she is ultra grouchy and my son is having an episode of spasmodic croup. Life is fun. I am feeling better that is the only consolation. If I could make it to the gym tomorrow, I would be happier. We all just need a good rest this weekend. Hopefully we will find it. Just some peace & quiet at home...I have some loofah to dry and peel so that will keep me busy and at home all weekend. I peeled my first one today. My loofahs are huge. The first one is Amie's from work. It was the first fruit I got. I peeled it and milked it tonight. I got a lot of seeds out, but there are many more to go. As it dries out more more seeds will fall out. I am pretty proud of it. It looks really good. I hope Amie will like it. We should get at least two sponges out of the one loofah. I am hanging another for drying right now. I just worry it will fall on someone's head and kill them. I keep telling everyone to go around where it is hanging. Once it starts drying, it will get lighter thank goodness.

I am tired of being superwoman.

This is by far the most run down I have ever been. It is pretty awful. The good news is that my knee feels better, but between the cold and way too many busy weekends (especially this one--I did not even make it to the grocery store) I am physically at my limit. I think that my body is revolting. It has just had enough. I just need some rest and a break. Summer cold are always the worst they say. This one has been bad and weird. It has gone through cycles. A few times I even thought it was over. Not so much. I feel better today, but I wonder if tomorrow I will feel more ill again. I never know. I am hoping to make it to the gym tomorrow. My test walk with my daughter this past weekend was nice. I really enjoyed taking her with me on my walk. I did miss having some alone time. Come to think of it...the only alone time I have had in the last 8 days has been in the car going to work, to the bank for work, to a store during lunch, the 20 minutes I get once I get home after to work where I am running around cooking dinner or going home. I guess I really need my am trips to the gym back and my am runs. I need that quiet peace. Lord knows that there has been no peace in this house in the last two months. We desperately need some peace.
Men make me laugh. How can a woman possibly feel amorous when she is completely run down. That is the irony of it. I told my husband this past weekend that he expects too much. I cannot do it all and then some. Doing it all is plenty enough I feel. Frankly, I am tired of being superwoman. I do not enjoy it. It is exhausting. Somethings gotta give....
I ran a little in the yard tonight chasing my son's baseball. My knee felt ok. It felt awkward. It did not hurt, though, so I am happy. Keep your fingers crossed it stays that way. I certainly am.

Today is the first test

I am walking this am. It will be interesting to see how the knee does. I had very few instances of pain yesterday so I am hopeful. I plan to walk today and tomorrow. I will start some squats on Monday and then hit the elliptical machine at the gym on Tuesday. I hope to be back doing squats and lunges both by the following Monday. I hope to be doing the rotating stairs sometime late next week and maybe even run next weekend. I feel like I have a good rehab plan. Hopefully I am right. I am very nervous about reinjury. This is miserable. It was mostly in my chest and the top of my head until late last night. Now it is in my head completely. I hate this part of not being able to breathe. I just want it to go away. It woke me up at 4am. Now I sit here waiting for the sun to come up. I work in TV, but early ams like this, I really hate infomercials when I am impatiently waiting for something else to happen so I end up watching Sports Center which would be, but with the volume off, you really miss a lot of what is going on. I'll tell you a secret that I tell no one else...I do not actually hate football. My husband will be very surprised to learn this. I hate watching football for hours on end, but I pretty much hate watching anything for hours on end. That is just me. I like the drama of football. I actually like the drama of sports in general. Football always has a lot of it. That is the answer as to why I tend to know more about sports than I should given the fact that I never watch it...I keep up with it through the internet and pick up enough from the gentlemen I am around at work and at home. Going to the gym too helps these days. Sports Center is on there at 5a. It is 100 times better than watching CNN which for a while only ran stories about the oil spill in the gulf. It was literally the same thing every night.
Why do I hate wathing anything on TV for hours on end? I do not have the patience. I always feel like I could be doing something else. Plus with sports, it can get monotenous. To me, it is all about the end result. It is not like a book to me. I do not really care for the most part how it got to the end. There are some exceptions, of course, but those in football are maybe what two games a week?? I love NASCAR, but I even feel the same way about that. I cannot sit and just watch a race for hours on end. I get bored. Aside from the drama in the race, it is really all about the end, isn't it? Of course, I am only really happy when Kyle Busch wins, but that is just me. Ask my daughter what we say on race day and she says, "Go Kyle Busch!"

Mad at myself.

I am mad at myself for having runner's knee. It is so frustrating not being able to run. I am resting it and heating and icing it. I plan to walk tomorrow and hopefully work back to running next weekend. Keeping my fingers, toes, legs, arms, etc crossed. I miss it, but at least I feel like I can at least go back to the gym and do things like the elliptical next week. I need to lose another 14 pounds. One thing for sure---I will never take for granted my body and what it is able to do. It is amazing so I need to take care of myself and it. I am definitely doing a half marathon next year. I am planning on doing the one in August, but if I can find one close before then, I am there. I am definitely running the 10k in Ashland. It is a few weeks later next year. I am looking forward to it already! I just hope and pray that my knee will heal fully with no more issues. I plan to take very good care of myself going forward, trust me.
I made the appointment with the plastic surgeon for the consultation on the breast implants. I am thinking maybe doing it this time next year. Jon will need to take off a few days with me. That needs to be carefully planned and I would really like his mom to come stay here with us to help with the kids. We will see how all of it works out. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I think that the cost is going to be too much for us, but we will see! I just want to look better in that realm.