This is it...it is almost here.

Two years in the making and the marathon is tomorrow.  I am FREAKING OUT.  I am not ready mentally or physically.  Physically, I think we will survive.  With some of the issues from last week, I see us walking a lot which is fine with me.  I am terrified of the mental part.  It is going to be sub freezing tomorrow am.  I do not run below 32 degrees.  Tomorrow I have no choice.  I have other people depending on me.  Plus, I really cannot put this off another year.  Three years in the making is too much pressure.  I am terrified.  I remember signing up way back in November of 2012, the Monday after the marathon that year, and I remember signing up because I did not want to be afraid any more.  I am now kicking myself.  I am scared to death.  This is the one of the biggest things I will ever do in my life.  It is a big deal.  How do I fight against the fear.  This is what I wanted.  I wanted to be able to face the fear and overcome it and now I am not sure that I can.  I am afraid.  So what happens tomorrow?  How do I deal?  Normally my BFF is the one supporting me through these races.  She is the one who needs support this go round so how do I cope?  These are all questions I am dealing with today.  Signing up two years ago did not make me not afraid, and maybe the reality is that the point of signing up was not to not be afraid.  After all signing up for the race was easy.  Maybe the point was to be afraid and still charge forward.  Normally when I see fear looming ahead, I run away.  I take a different course or shut down.  I cannot do that tomorrow.  I keep thinking about riding rollercoasters.  I fear them, but I ride them so I am not afraid.  I am still afraid, but I do them.  Maybe that is the key somehow!