This is a first for me.

It happened today. I totally lost steam. I was about 23-24 minutes into the first half of my workout at the gym. I was on the elliptical ski machine (whatever the heck it is called) and I had to totally push myself hard on a level that is just normal for me. I believe it was level 6 at the time. I pushed and pushed through it. By the time I got to 26 minutes which is where I switch and ski backwards (which is the easier part for me) I was hot and just overwhelmed physically. I can normally push through anything since I know that most set backs like that are mental. This was totally physical. I had to go down to level 3 for the remainder of my workout and just keep it above 6.0 mph. I normally keep it above 7.0 mph. It was terrible. After I finished out the half hour, I went to do my half hour workout and was so hot and overheated that I had to stop after 10 minutes. I finally feel somewhat normal now with the exception of the pain on the right side of my head where I got really hot. It was strange. I hate that it happened. I feel weak now that I could not finish a workout that I normally fly through with no problem. It scares me. What will happen tomorrow?
I finished my workout stretch with no break at 16 days. I missed Monday's workout and yesterday's for that matter. I have actually lost weight this week, though. I think what I have learned is that your body needs a rest now and then. I hate to lose momentum which is why I prefer to go in long stretches of working out, but clearly I need to rest once in a while. I plan to workout tomorrow and then do my regular walk in the early am on the weekend. I added arm weights to my walk. I love it. It really helps.
My garden has become a bit unruly. Too much nitrogen maybe??? The tomato plants are huge. One is producing tomatoes like crazy. The pumpkin just crossed the loofah vine. I worry that one will kill the other. Apparently, you need to put the loofah vine on something so it hangs. I got to figure out how to solve that one. The jardale grew towards the yard, of course, rather than the back of the bed so I had to prune it yesterday. It had a female flower that I cut off because it was yellowing, but now I cannot help but wonder if that is how its female flowers look in general. The cayennes have gone nuts. I will have plenty of those to share with a few hundred friends. (No exaggeration there.) My big moon pumpkin is ok. It finally sent out a lead vine and the vine looks good. It is not growing as fast as I would like, but at least it is green. I am just hoping to get one 40-50 pound pumpkin out of it. The thing I really like about the jardale is that it is constantly putting down feeder roots. Good job by that plant!

One last thought today

I am beside myself over Kyron, the missing child in Oregon. Why? I feel like your house should be a safe haven for your kids. I feel like school, too, should be a safe haven. Your kids should be safe at school. That is just how I feel. I understand the danger of bullies, mean teachers, etc, but by and large, they should be physically safe. What happened to him? Could it happen to my children when they go to school? Until I know what happened to him, I will never feel safe leaving my kids at school. It is probably a fluke thing. I get that, but it is still hard to wrap my brain around it. Please let him be safe somewhere. Please let him be ok. The alternative is too tough for me to think about. Every now and then I think about the kid in VA who was 5 years old I believe and was tied to a tree in his underwear and left for dead by a dispicable gentleman. (This gentleman was prosecuted decades later.) The child died from exposure. I think about that and how scared that child must have been. I want to strangle the gentleman who did it myself and I am not the kid's mom. My own son is 4. I pray that no one ever hurts him. I do not know how I would deal. I pray for Kyron's family and that of Anthony Thomas in DC who is 11 and also went missing this week. I pray that both children come home and are unharmed. I need them to be ok.

Still working out each day but

I had beer last night. Well, that and a shot of vodka. I just wanted to relax and enjoy myself. I have not missed a day of workout, though. My hubby and I went to the gym together today. (My mother-in-law had the kids.) I have had a ton to eat this weekend, though, so I know the scale on Monday will not be my friend.
I also have sweatrash and a mad case of it mixed with a bacterial infection my skin. I finally went to the dermatologist on Thurs. Apparently, I got it from the baby pool in my neighborhood. Yuck. She even tested me for a staph infection. Hopefully that comes back negative. My rash is better now thanks to the medicine she prescribed. It looks a lot better. It was bad for a while. I shortened my workout on Thursday because of it. The doc said I could still workout and that the rash would just get irritated by sweat from the workout. I will walk tomorrow in the early am again, my favorite thing to do!!! My sister is coming tomorrow so I am super excited about that. I never see her any more now that we live 3 hours apart and I have small children. I miss her a lot.

Happy birthday to my brother-in-law

Today is my brother-in-law's 46 birthday. Now that is getting up there. I adore my brother-in-law. He is an amazing person and just a generally nice guy. He seems very happy in his life and with my sister. I am glad for him. He deserves a good life. I think he has found it. My sister turned 43 3 days ago. That is hard to believe. I always think of my sister as 21 so I should not find it annoying that everyone in my family still thinks of me as 12. (That was the age I was when she was 21.) I find the 12 year old plague annoying, but I guess I get it.
I wearing my bikini top today. Shocking, I know. The top looks ok. It is the bottom I have issues with so I am wearing my crop jeans. It is actually kind of nice to wear it around. I am not sure that I will do it again. My breast actually look half decent in it.
This Friday night is likely going to be another night without the kids. Kind of scary that we will have two nights like that in a 30 day period. Not sure how to handle that. My husband goes for him 12 week post vasectomy draw on Friday. That should be interesting. Hopefully, he is clear.
The jardale pumpkin is still clumped. I do not understand that plant. It is clumped more like the squash. Hmmmm...I wonder if the jardale pumpkin is more closely related to a squash plant then the regular pumpkin. (just for you true pumpkin enthusiasts, my pumpkins are not pepo so they are not true pumpkins so yes, they are squash varieties. And for those non pumpkin enthusiasts, true pepo pumpkins are actually berries!!!) My regular pumpkin is taking over which is a good sign. To my shock, my big moon pumpkin (the giant variety) is growing well now too. Whatever attacked it earlier is gone thanks to a little insecticidal soap (I hated using it, but I had to.) I am surprised to see it producing buds and generally growing well. I hope it continues. Maybe we will get a giant pumpkin after all. I am not greedy. I do not need anything HUGE. A nice 30-40 pounder would keep me happy...

Weekend is finally here.

I do not get it. I weighed over a half a pound more today than I did yesterday. I have been working my tail off this week. I maybe ate 200 calories more yesterday than normal. The only thing I can attribute it to is the next choice stuff I took last month. I really think that is doing a number on my hormones. I do not feel like myself either. I go back and forth between feeling ok to just being irritated which is not good because both of my children are exhausted this week. I plan to nap today while they nap. My walk this am was nice. It is nice to have a down day. Tomorrow I will run.
I was looking through some websites yesterday about celebrities in swimsuits. The whole argument was if curvier is better. I know that pictures in magazines of models are truly illusions and all, but I was shocked when I saw two very famous Victoria's Secret models in swimsuits on the beach with their families. Why? They have no breasts. When you see them in a magazine or in a catalog, they look very breasty like they have the most perfect breasts that are firm, large, and nicely shaped in general. Not really so. Both were fairly small and the breasts pretty much hung there like a small sack. I was surprised and relieved, I guess. Again, just shows you what a good stylist and wardrobe person can really do. I have been thinking more about implants these days. The expense of it is what is holding me back. Well, that and the kids. How will I lift my daughter?
I had to do my least favorite task in the garden last night. Pest control. Yuck. There were two squash bugs that I had to kill. They were large. It wa so gross. I hate killing them. I will not use pesticides, though, so that is my only options. (Honestly, pesticides do not really work on squash bugs anyways.) I checked all of the leaves for eggs and could not find any. I hate that too--squashing the eggs grosses me out too. It is necessary, though. If I do not do it, I will end up with mosaic virus again which will inevitably kill my pumpkin vines. I cannot have that. So far I have had to kill 4 squash bugs total. I hope no more show up.

Thunderstorms

I love the spring and summer not only for the warmth, but for the thunderstorms. I love a thunderstorm. My son is terrified of them and ends up sleeping with us if one should happen during the night, but I will love them. When I was little, my sister would tell me that the angels were bowling and that is what the thunder was. I tell my son the same thing now, but now we name the angels. There is Rita for my hubby's grandmother. (She loved to bowl.) Paul for my mother's first child who died at birth. (He, of course, bowls with the bumpers out.) Last night the angels were enjoying themselves, no doubt. It was wonderful.
I think about thunderstorms and how my life itself has been stormy. From my sister's cancer for most of my formative youth, to my pregnancy at 16, to my disaster of a self in college. It was ugly. I told my mother years ago when she cried over what I went through during my sister's illness (she does that on occasion when we talk about it) that I am happy with who I am now and if I am, then don't I have to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yes, here is a lot of ugly. A LOT, but I am who I am now due to that ugly. The bad did not make me who I am. The good is just there. It is the ugly that molds you into the person you are. Here I am at 34, I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. I have a great job, wonderful amazing co-workers, a nice house, a sensitive, smart, handsome and intuitive son who will be a great man one day, an very intelligent, beautiful, sassy daughter, and I am absolutely and completely in love with my husband in every way possible. I have a great yard to garden in too, and I am physically able to get up and go to the gym every day! What more could a woman want? I have also somehow found the ability to live more in the here and now which is something I thought would never happen. I was focused for so long on yesterday and then what tomorrow might bring. I am tired of waiting for tomorrow. I want to enjoy life now so I do. I get up at 4:40a to go to the gym each day or get up at 5:40a to walk or run on the weekends. I work 8-9 hours a day, spend time playing with my children after work and on the weekends, and also manage to spend real quality time with my husband. Some nights we do not even turn the tv on any more. Our relationship is even better than it was when we were 20 in every way even physically. I am just thankful each and every day to have the life I have, and honestly if all else went away tomorrow, as long as I have my husband and my children, I am fulfilled. I need them. The rest of it is just icing.
I am day 7 of non-stop workout days. Tomorrow is an easy day and I am looking forward to just walking. Hopefully my weight is reflective of working out each day. Monday will tell the tale. I just want to be 145 or below on a Monday. Need to work at that this weekend then!

Let's see what I can do.

Still at 147.5 as of yesterday. I do well all week and then blow it each weekend. It is so frustrating. It is not like I don't exercise on the weekends either. It must be my food intake and I think it is more what I eat than how much. I always drop 3 pounds by Wednesday so you do the math. I must seriously eat something that makes me retain water. My thought is the tortilla chips SO I have resolved to give up tortilla chips for a month. It bums me out because to me there is nothing better than salsa and tortilla chips (except peanut butter which is my favorite.) I am off tortilla chips and sweets too. One month. We will see where this takes me. I have not missed a workout yet either so that is 5 days in row now. I thought for sure I was going to miss yesterday's, but I got Jon and the kids out for a walk, and yes it was a workout because I pushed both kids in the double stroller for almost 5K. That counts. That is tough, but it is my new addiction. I love the way my legs feel after I push 75 pounds worth of kids in a stroller.
My garden is coming along nicely. The cayenne peppers are growing. I have several baby cayennes. Then my bell peppers will be ready for picking in about 3-5 days. We might actually get to eat them this weekend. They look GREAT! I cannot wait. I have tomatoes coming in too. They are on my daughter's plant. There are about 4. Mine has yet to produce anything other than flowers. The carrots look good. Another week or so and we should be able to pull some. My regular sized pumpkin is growing so well. I am pretty proud of it, and my son's watermelon has taken off. I got so tickled to see the beginnings of flowers on the pumpkin vine. It just made me happy. My jardale is growing but is growing in a clumpy form. I don't know if they just do that or if mine is weird. The only two complaints I have is 1. Most of my vines are growing in the wrong direction. Everyone says that it is natural for them to grow towards the sun. Um, they are not growing towards the sun, thank you. 2. I found 3 squash bugs on my squash plant and some eggs. I came to the realization that since I will not use pesticides that I will have to kill the bugs myself so I did along with the eggs. Yucky. Hate doing that, but I don't want mosaic virus again. (I'll save that story for another day.)
I feel sexier these days. Having your hubby tell you that your legs look toned will do that to you... It was a nice compliment. Maybe even on the cherry pie level of good...