I did it.

I had surgery and now it is 9 days post op. I am loving my results. I have the breasts of a fairly well endowed 18 year old and even though I have always had decent sized breasts, I was never this perky or high. The pain is tough but I would not trade it for my before look. I am surprised that I did it honestly. I totally thought about chickening out at the last minute...yes, it did cross my mind, but I went through it. I am so pleased!

It is almost here....

The day of my surgery is almost here. I cannot believe it. Two more work days and then the next day is surgery. I scheduled it months ago so it is just hard to believe that I have almost made it. I knew once December started that time would just fly on by. I remember when I scheduled the surgery thinking, "Can I really do this? Am I really going to spend the $. Should I really do this?" If all goes well and there are few to no complications, I truly think that this will be the best $10G we have ever spent.
I had a dream last night that I was post surgery and going to see my OB/gyn for some crazy reason. Anyways, my breasts were at first smaller than I wanted, but then all of a sudden they were bigger and exactly what I wanted. It was nice. I hope that I am larger enough, but not too larger. After it is all said and done, I think a DD is truly what I am aiming for. I can get a revision to go smaller as I get older since I will likely need a lift again at some point anyways.
I totally embarrassed myself with my boss last week. He knows about the surgery so he asked if I was nervous about next week. We ended up talking about recovery. So he says to me, "Do not do too much." I think he is talking about the surgery so I say, "Do not worry. I am not going all Dolly Parton on you." No, he was still talking about recovery. I wanted to hide in his closet. I was so embarrassed that I started sweating profusely. It was bad. One of my co-workers who has had surgery said that it is because my mind is focused only on surgery and she is right. I have to get through that to get to the recovery portion so I am very focused on surgery only for now.
I get up early Tu-Sat for workouts, but I have started getting up early on Sundays too so that I have time to myself in the am. It is so nice. I just sit here and do whatever the hell I want. No kids bothering me. Nothing to do other than exactly what I want. No kids shows on. Nothing. I really enjoy it. I hope to keep doing it long term. Just so nice and peaceful. Before I am able to workout again, I might do that a few times a week.
Yes, the workouts. That is the only thing bothering me about the surgery. I hate that I cannot work out for two weeks at a minimum and I know even then that I will have to work my more strenous exercises back in like running and rowing which sucks because I really think the combo is what is taking more weight off. I am down to 134.5. Never thought that would happen. My goal is still 130. The surgery will bloat me and even add 2-3 pounds for the implants, but my goal is not to be 130 by Memorial Day. I figure (and hope) that I will be back to full running and rowing by my birthday. If I can do and do not gain more than a few pounds (not just implant pounds) post surgery then I can get there. I never thought I would get below 140 and then never thought I would get below 135 so this has been great! I just have to stay here, though, and not gain too much weight while I wait to work out. I am in the best shape of my life and do not want to lose that at all. Telling you...rowing and running is the magic combo.

10 days until surgery

I am getting more and more nervous as it gets closer. I am, however, ready for the surgery to be here. I get more and more self conscious about my breasts as the days get closer. I am anxious to have the surgery and then start the recovery process. Pain. I am worried that I will be lying around post surgery with nothing to do but focus on the pain. That will be fun and enjoyable.
I hate January. It is the worst month. I hate February too but at least that month leads to March where we get a glimpse or two of spring weather. January is cold and wet and dark. Take today. It is a perfect January day. Cold, wet and no hope of doing anything outside. I get cabin fever, and I see more and more as the kids get older the toll that it takes on them to be inside of the house all of the time. They go stir crazy too. Trying to survive the winter with kids is miserable. They are much happier when they are outside playing too.

December 21

I feel a sense of hope that I rarely feel in the winter. Part of it is that my favorite and least favorite day of the year has passed. I despise December 21 and love it. Why? It is the shortest day of the year. I hate it because it is so short. I love it because after that day, the days start getting longer until June 21, another day that I love and hate. I think things start to feel a bit brighter when the sun is out later. Now if we could just get some warmth. It also means that winter has started and once winter starts, it is only a matter of time before it ends. I am ready for its end. I am already dreaming of spring with green grass, blooming daffodils, warm days, and the sun just shining away magnificently. It always gives me hope. What 90 something days left now...I can make it.
I am a lucky woman, and I know it.

Little less than a month now

I have 26 days or something like that until surgery. I get more excited by the day. I actually contemplated canceling my surgery last week. (Long story.) It was during that time that I learned how much I really want to get this done. Thinking about canceling it seriously moved me to tears. I really want this. I need this. I want to feel young and sexy. I feel old and flat instead. I am worried about the kids during my recovery, though. Maybe this surgery will complete my 1/3 life crisis and I will be through it. Just hoping that I do not decide on a tummy tuck later.
I hate my scale. I weighed myself this am and it was 134.7. Then about 10 minutes later it was 136 so I moved it around and the weight varied, of course. I just need have a scale that does not change so I really know if I am losing weight. I figure that my weight is somewhere around 135 right now because the scale stayed around that (a few tenths under or over) as I moved it. So frustrating.
I am very much looking forward to the spring already. I will start my countdown after my surgery. We got snow yesterday. We actually got some earlier this week too, but yesterday's was more significant. I got to shove the driveway which is seriously one of my favorite things to do. I love shoveling snow. It was much more fun when we had a foot of snow last year. Yesterday's 3 inches was not as fun. I thoroughly enjoyed it, though.
I always get a little sad around the holidays. I can never figure out why. I think sometimes it has more to do with winter in general, but my favorite and least favorite day of the year is coming up, Dec 22. After that day, the days start to get longer which is a good thing!

As it gets closer

I get more and more excited for the impending surgery in January. Yes, I have about 50 humps to get through before then....son's oral surgery which is tomorrow, his birthday, his birthday party, Christmas with both sets of families, New Years, a station conversion, 6 FCC reports, and one EEO FCC report. It is a lot to think about it!
My husband said to me last night that he would not have me cancel surgery because he knows how important it is to me. I would cancel it in a heartbeat if I thought it would negatively impact my family in any way, but yes, it is very important to me. I enjoy my husband, but feel that I would enjoy him a lot more if I liked my body. Ultimately, I can live with the extra skin around my tummy, but not my breasts. It is tough to see great perky breasts everywhere and then see mine. It certainly makes me self conscious. I cannot hide my breasts in push up and padded bras from him. I want to be sexy and vibrant for him as much as for myself. I got married for life so this is it for us. It is a package deal. One of the questions on the implant board is why are you getting surgery. I can answer it honestly. I am getting surgery because I am 34 and feel 64 most days. I feel way older than my years. This summer I started to feel young and vibrant and sexy. Then I lost a little more weight and saw pictures of my breasts and felt old again. I want that back and I want it to be better than before. I figure surgery can help to give me back those feelings. Then maybe I will stop acting like I am 64 and live a little.
I am down to 136 and proud of it even though it is not where I need to be right now to hit 130 by surgery date. I never thought I could get below 140 and here I am. I am hoping to be 133 or 132 by surgery date and then lose 10 pounds by my birthday. I am realistic and while I do not like it expect to gain a few pounds post surgery so my goal is to lose it and then some by my birthday. 125 pounds here I come. Just hoping I will be back full at the gym by February, but that is another story...

Good reminder this week

First of all, let me say that I firmly believe in karma. I believe that for whatever reason, things balance out in life even day to day things. I try to be careful with some things because of that.
I had karma totally bite me this week. It was actually rather amusing in a way. You definitely reap what you sow.
I have a friend whose husband is having a difficult time right now. She said to me in way that I could tell made her uncomfortable, "I do not now if I ever told you, but he has mental issues." What most friends and people I deal with on a daily basis do not know is that as she put it, I have mental issues. I understood way more than she knew. Even just being me, I never know the appropriate way to explain how crazy I am without making me sound like a complete and utter nut. It is not that far out there. I am not dangerous or anything but that is where people automatically go when they hear "crazy" or "mental issues." There is definitely more of a gray area. Yes, I consider myself to be crazy. I do. I am, and I know it. I have known it for more than 20 years. I understood what my friend was telling me about her hubby this week. I know how close I get to that line that puts me over the edge to where I cannot really deal on a daily basis. Most days I am a good two feet away from that line, but some days, I get awfully close and it scares the hell out of me so I understood what she was saying and how her hubby felt. For people like me, we walk that line each and every day hoping that tomorrow we do not fall over on the other side. It is funny in that my mother always tells me "Oh, you are fine now." Or in regards to my weight, "You will never get fat again." Sorry, Mom. I live in today. Why? Because I do not know what tomorrow holds. Tomorrow I could decide to eat a whole meat lovers pizza and start the downhill slide back over 200 pounds. Or I could fall over that line and end up emotionally helpless again. I live in how I feel today because tomorrow's ground is never quite secure. Today is what matters and today I am thin and mentally healthy and ready for the challenges a day may bring. I hope my friends husband finds his way back. It is a tough road. I have been there more than once and know at some point, at any point, I could be there again. Just enjoying living in today since that is really all any of us have...