Where has my fear gotten me?

The book I am reading, the main character contemplates where her fear has gotten her?  She wonders what has it done for her?  That got me thinking and wondering.  Where has my fear gotten me?  What has it done for me?  For her, it made her lie to her daughter who became increasingly resentful and acted out.  For me, it made me fat for a while, anyways.  It made me close the world in rather than looking out at it and growing it.  When you are afraid of the world that is what happens.  It also made me afraid to try anything new that no one else in my family had tried.  It also made me want to leave one of the most wonderful men I have ever known, and it made me want to run away from a life that I now love.  Fear made me control everything including my kids.  I am working on all of that now because it is a choice, and I know that.  Fear has done one good thing, though.  It pushed me to work harder and better than anyone else.  At times, it kept me from quitting.  Now does it allow me to quit in the middle of a race sometimes, yes, and I HATE it for that, but there were times in the past that it made me go farther than I ever thought I could or would go. 
I need to embrace the fear that pushes me and push past the fear that holds me back.  Trying to control everything to fight the fear...well, I have learned the things you fear can happen no matter how much control you try to exert.  So you live in fear and then bad things happen anyways.  The fear ends up playing a role just for chuckles. 
I just saw our neighbor in his running gear.  I am jealous.  I could not work out this am.  I really wanted to.  I want to run.  I have been taking in less calories and pushing my body further and further.  I feel great and want to continue that.  I want to see how far it will go.  I want to feel hungry.  Then I will get what I want and have wanted for a long, long time.  Time to push past things.  There is a time to push, Lucy.  Yes, I know, but the key in life is knowing when to push and when to stop and re-evaluate the situation and go a different way, something you have never been good at and a skill, I am learning.