Winter blues kick in

I hate the winter.  I mostly hate Jan and Feb. They are the worst months.  I am just thankful that February is short.  12 more days to go after today.  Then I just have to get through to the time change and I am home free.  I keep hoping that open toed shoes are in my future sooner rather than later.  The spring just awakens me.  I feel so alive and wonderful.  4 more weeks is what I keep telling myself.  I have tried so much this winter to get outside and soak up some sun, but it has been a very cloudy winter so that has hampered that effort quite a bit. 4 more weeks.
The next 6 months or so of my life are going to take me into areas that I am not exactly comfortable confronting.  I started with a new therapist and I really like her.  She seems competent and she is about my age and has other qualities that I find important at this stage in my progress.  I think she will find that I want a good life and genuinely believe in having fun so progress should come easily since I plan to be honest and open and ready to talk about some of those uncomfortable things.  I have to really look at how I feel about myself and the messages I constantly tell myself.  Most of the time it is not good.  About a week ago, I was throwing up at least once a day for a few days.  I know how destructive that is.  I felt terrible the following days.  I was just drained.  I feel like I have finally physically recovered.  Emotionally, I plan to be very careful this weekend since weekends seem to be my tipping point.  The hubby and I confronted some serious issues last week. It was difficult.  Sometimes life is not easy and I need to be prepared for emotions that I do not understand or am not used to feeling.  The problem with the hubby and I is that we have so much history that does not entirely help us. It is a lot of ground to make up and once patterns are set, well, they are tough to undo and/or forgive.  I am working on being nicer, though.  The hubby's words do not always match his actions. My actions do not always match my words.  Funny how that works....