I only run when chased.

I used to say that on a regular basis back when I was 23-24 and weighed about 220.  (I will never really know for sure how much I weighed at the height because I only weighed myself after losing some weight and at that point, the scaled read 199.)  So the chick who used to say that I only run when chased has signed up for a marathon.  52 weeks.  Yes, 52 weeks to rain.  I am already halfway there since I don't plan to let go of my half marathon physical status that I have now.  For the first time, I feel like I can do it.  So now I say that I get seriously depressed when I cannot run. How funny is that.  I was visualizing this am how it would feel to finish next Nov.  I am running it for the younger, very afraid Tiffy, the one who weighed 220 and never ran.  I am also running it for the version of woman that I aspire to be and I am also ironically enough running it for my mother.  At some point she gave into fear and wallowed in it and let it take over her life so I am running for her in a way, in the way that she never found the courage to overcome that fear and break out of what chains her down and away from the things she really wants to do.  I no longer feel weighed down by those 3 women.  I feel supported by them...well, not by my mother but the other two versions of me.  I am currently somewhere in between the two of them, but both of them are part of me and will help me get through.  Without the 220 pound and miserable Tiffy, I would not be as stubborn and tenacious as I am which means I would never mentally and physically be able to get through 5 hours of running, and without the better version of myself that I want to be, well, I would give into fear and not run this race, but we are going to do it.  If it 30 and snows, we will run it.  If it is 90 and the sun is like fire, we will run it.  It is time to do it.