Does a heart need to be whole to ever really break?

I hope not or I am destined to be a callous, bitter woman for the rest of my life.  On days like today I have to wonder why my mother raised us the way she did, to be so afraid and waiting for the smallest slight?  Let's face it was the whole idea of being in or out with her that makes me that way.  I cannot speak for my siblings.  When I look at my sister, I see the damage done there too.  She spends her life wanting everyone to love her so she lives her life being boisterous and still trying to be 16 and pretty when she is 46 and aging.  I see my brother and his anger.  Enough said.  Then here I am always living in terror.  Sitting there just waiting for someone to drop me.  It happens with my personal life, work...it does not matter.  I always sit around and wait for everyone to figure out that I am not who they think I am.  The thing is that it is not like I am putting on a facade.  I never have.  I am who I am, but I still sit and wait for them to catch me in something that changes who they think I am.  I have asked it before, but I am asking it again.  What was it with my mother that made her raise us like that?  Was the abuse she suffered from her mother just too much for her to drop?  Was it too much for her to discard that example?  I have to assume so.  I guess in her mind because she was not beating us, she was not like her mom. She is much more like her mom than she ever thinks.  That leads me to what scares me to death.  How much of the same kind of person am I?  Will I do the same thing to my two children?  I watch myself sometimes and listen to myself and I see myself doing the same thing.  The whole idea tenacious Tiffany.  Jon and I laugh about it, but it is that tenacity that makes for a bad mom.  I have to let go with the kids especially.  I have to drop it once it has been said and move on to something else.  I have to let it go.  My entire body and soul fights it.  I do not mean it is hard for me to do.  I mean my body physically fights it.  Same thing with the hubby which is why I have such a hard time forgiving and forgetting.  My body aches when I try to let it go.  It is very much a physical sensation.  I know part of that is the borderline psychosis I fight.  I want to let it go.  That is the crazy thing.  I saw my mother wrapped up in bitterness and pain.  I do not want to wear it. 
The funny thing happened today.  I told my husband one thing I really want.  It is something I have felt too much pride to tell him before.  It was that whole idea of if I have to ask for it, it means less.  The problem with that is that I spent so much time hurting over it and wanting it and being bitter because I do not have it.  Was it worth it holding it in and not telling him?  Hell no.  Will it really mean less if and when it happens?  I have no clue, but if so, who cares.  Was the pain of wanting it and being bitter over not getting it better than telling him and having it mean less eventually?  Hell no to that too.  I want to bitterness to end.  I really do.  It sucks so much energy and frankly, is not me.  Not the me I want to be.  How can I be full of life and energy with bitterness weighing me down.  The honest answer is that I cannot.  The stress takes over and ages me and makes me tired.  I just do not want it.  So Hubby, I love you more than anything in this world and I pray to God every single day that you are the man this version of me needs and wants.  I want to give you a chance to be that man.  I have to give you a chance to be that person.