Having a hard time

I having a really hard time these days dealing with how I treated myself and my hubby back in my 20's.  I just did not take care of myself nor did I really love and take care of him.  So sad.  I am trying so hard to take that knowledge and turn it into a cautionary tale by which I make the most of life now, but it is weighing me down.  I missed out on so much.  We missed out on so much.  Plus, my body is reaping the results of that time of my life.  I hate it.  I could have been so much more and I could be so much more now had I taken better care of myself...had I just cared a little. 
Now that the half is over and I am moving onto the next challenge, I am wondering if maybe I should do a full marathon.  There is only 10 weeks, I think until the full marathon here.  I do not believe that is enough time to train to double my distance.  That is what is keeping me from going full force with it.  I am thinking maybe I should just work on my half marathon time and stick with the half that weekend.  I am just praying it does not rain that day.  I can handle the cold or the rain if it is warm, but I cannot handle the cold and rain and it is going to be cold here then for sure.  I am doing a trail run tomorrow so no long run for me.  This is my first trail run ever.  I am pretty excited.  My BFF wants to do a 10k.  I am thinking more along the lines of an 8 miler.  We will see what I talk her into....
Next Sunday, I think I am back to 12 miles.  Well, I plan to run for 2 hours and then increase by 5 minutes every week.  That should have me at 2 hours and 30 minutes by the time the half is here.  That should put me at almost 16 miles by then.  I would really like to hit 3 hours before the year is out, but after this half, I am cutting back to an hour and a half until it warms up.  I am wimpy about the cold and not afraid to admit it.  I loathe the cold.  I am and will always be wimpy about the cold.  That will never change.  I need to get some serious cold weather running gear going for the winter so I can at least keep my hour and a half runs moving along. 
The thought of winter depresses me.  I hate going into the fall because of it.  Everyone loves the fall.  I hate it because it means winter is coming.  The days are short and the cold is hard.  I long for my long summer days where the sun beats down on my face.  I am going to miss it so much.  So so much.