Finally did it!

Today should be a great day.  I should feel awesome, but I am feeling pretty ill physically.  Anyways, my 10k time over which I stressed so much this year was well below what I had hoped.  First, I finally got it under an hour.  Second, I wanted it under 57 minutes.  I killed that.  I was 54 minutes and 45 seconds.  Yep, I did that.  I guess my long runs and speed work has finally paid off. 
Through therapy, I am starting to really see what a crappy person I am.  Who cares what the reasons are behind the kind of person I am.  I am still not a good person or a good wife.  I feel like my life is totally spinning out of control.  I always thought I was a good person and a good wife.  Not so much.  I have to wonder, really wonder, why my husband loves me.  How can he?  I always wondered why he wanted to be with me.  Now I wonder even more.  Who would blame him for leaving or cheating on a control freak, insecure bully who is bitter all of the time.  What is lovable about that person?  Just more and more I feel alone.  I am feeling more confused than ever about everything. 
I thought therapy was supposed to make me feel better.  It only makes me feel worse and more confused and more alone and just increases my desire to run far, far away.  I guess the big benefit is that now I know I can do it a lot faster.