I went to William and Mary

I never talk about that a lot and what a disaster it was.  I was not meant to go there by any stretch, but erasing my life there erases my life now so I can only want things to change so much.  I know that rationally, but I still struggle with the regret that I went there.  It was where my parents really wanted me to go.  I wanted to go to JMU.  That was my dream and my dream since I was 12.  I have never told anyone that I wanted to go there since I was 12.  I remember my parents sending off the deposit for William and Mary the minute the letter arrived from them accepting me.  It was a done deal right then, and the done deal was wrong for me.  It was too close to parents.  I know that now.  I needed more distance.  I needed to grow and become the person I was to become.  Going there delayed that happening.  I have so many regrets from my young adulthood.  So many.  I lost so much time and I hate that.  Time is limited as it is.  Once it is gone it is gone.  I will never get it back.  I want it back.  What bothers me more is that I am here also watching the clock go and wasting so much of this present time I have now.  What do I want to do?  I want the perfect body.  I do.  I had it once after I had my eldest daughter.  I had it then and I want it back.  What do I have to do to get it?  Eat right.  That is where I struggle right now.  I can only exercise so much right now with my injury, but no doubt I will be back in full force once it is completely healed which is days away, I truly believe!  It is the food addiction.  So as I go through each day feeling like I cheated myself in my 20's, the irony is that I am cheating myself now, and I hate that even more.  Regrets are exhausting and I have way too many piling up on a regular basis.  They are certainly very heavy!!