Tired.

So I am tired of feeling bad about myself.  It just takes over and sets in and I just cannot escape it.  First let me say that I am not depressed.  I am not feeling bad in the depression sense.  I feel bad about how I look.  I am reading a book about relationships by one of the world's biggest experts on relationships. The biggest benefit is that it helps me figure out why certain events in my life bother me so much and what messages from my youth they reinforce.  It has been great because I know more about my emotional issues now more than ever, but it does not stop the pain and the constant worry and questioning.  I may be more in touch with how events affect my emotions BUT the pain still persists.  I hate it.  I am just tired of feeling bad about my body.  It is exhausting.  Not to mention, why does it matter so much!  That part I still clearly carry from my youth.  I am trying to take control of my eating so that maybe I can stop feeling so bad about myself.  It is just so freaking hard.  I wish that I did not have to face food every again.  It would be a hell of a lot easier.  Yes, there are days that I wish I could be anorexic and just not eat, but the reality is that then the running suffers and I care a lot about the running.  It is part of my identity now.  I hate food.  I hate all food even my favorite food.  I hate it all.  Thinking about it most days is way too stressful.  Just too stressful!!  Will I ever feel good about myself?  Will I ever accept myself as I am and not worry or care? 
By the way, the one thing NO ONE ever talks about on those weight loss shows is the skin that results from weight loss.  Yep, we all end up with loose skin.  I lost 75 pounds when I was 26 and have kept it off for 11 years now, but the loose skin that results is depressing.  Some days I feel like I would feel better heavier because then at least the skin would not be loose.  No one ever talks about it.  Rather they hide it on shows like The Biggest Loser and others.  Very annoying. 
I am just so frustrated right now.  I want food to go away.  Far, far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Will I ever stop obsessing over it and be able to control it?