Therapy

So this book I am reading about mothers who cannot love suggests you write your mother a letter with a few major points covered.  I am not sure if I plan to do that yet, but it does mention how the book will bring up old sores in that relationship.  It certainly has done that.  My plan is to roll through some of the items that have come up over the next few weeks.  Today will be my period issues when I was younger.  I got my period when I was 11.  It was mixed up from the start.  I know that it cane take years for a cycle to settle, but mine never did.  At 13 years old, I was having very painful periods and went 9 months without a period.  I was not sexually active.  Then I went through 4 weeks of bleeding with large clots.  I was bleeding through pads overnight so much so that the blood ended up all over the floor.  (I was sleeping on the floor at the time.  Long story there--had more to do with comfort than anything else.)  Because of the blood on the floor, my mother finally took me to a doctor.  He told her that it was normal.  Keep in mind that he never even did an exam or pap smear.  That is not normal for anyone who had not had a baby....  She believed him because it was easier for her to do so and she was too wrapped up in my sister's life to worry about me.  It made me sad that she did not help me.  Fast forward 2 years.  Again, still not sexually active.  I am still having incredible pain during my cycles.  She finally relents and takes me back to a new gynecologist, one she later admitted to me that she did not like.  He was about 55 and came in coldly, did the exam, and then left.  The nurse later gave me an prescription for a birth control pill to control my hormones.  I started taking it and a week later, I was in even more pain.  I am a tough lady.  I went through child birth without drugs.  The pain was so terrible that I was crying.  My mother did nothing.  Allegedly, my sister called the nurse who told her that the pain would go away in a few months as my body got used to the hormones.  There was no way I would continue taking the pills the way it hurt so I stopped.  I had desperately wanted my mother to help me at that time and to call the nurse and demand they change my pill.  It was the 90's.  There were a million pills out there!  She never did.  Fast forward another year.  I was sexually active with my boyfriend and got pregnant.  Yes, my mother was great when she found out I was pregnant and did everything she could to help me put my daughter up for adoption, and I am by no means suggesting that I do not want my eldest daughter in this world, but the reality is that my mother could have prevented that hardship in my life simply by helping me with the doctor when the pill made me sick.  The reality is as I was later told that I likely had endometriosis and that having my oldest child helped to correct it, but the pill could have done the same thing.  I take responsibility for having sex at 16.  I will say too that I did go to planned parenthood and get on the pill about the time I got pregnant.  I was just a week too late.  I know that my decisions are not my mother's fault.  I understand that, but what makes me sad is that she did not protect me or help me when she had the chance.  It makes me feel neglected.  How do you not protect your child when she is suffering and I was suffering.  That is my sore for today.