Sun

Where is the sun?  I wish it would come out.  I need the sun and the warmth.  Warm days have been overcast and sunny days have been cold.  Not winning!
I did sign up for a 5k/10k race in late April.  I cannot wait.  It excites me a good deal which is great for the running.  It helps.  I am losing weight too which is a good thing. Consistency is key and fortunately, I have been able to maintain that.  I am looking  forward to more days running outside as the temperatures continue to creep up.
My panic attacks left for about two months.  I thought that they were gone for good and left as quickly as they came.  They arrived back like crazy the other night.  I had 6 over the course of a night and worse yet, they kept waking me up.  I have had several since.  I am hoping they stop sooner rather than later.  These daily attacks are exhausting.
This year has brought me back to baseball which I love.  My son is playing and I love being out there with him and just watching.  It is wonderful.  I forgot how much I love baseball.  It has been a gift to have it back.  I am hoping this weekend's games are not canceled.  Hopefully!
So I talked to my mother the other night and realized how desperate her need for drama is.  It is how she keeps control.  She tried to guilt me into thinking that my brother was upset with me for something silly.  I did feel guilt when she made a big deal out of it, but then realized the following day that what she said was her need for comfort and not how he really feels.  She needed to control the situation and the easiest way for her to do that was to inject some negativity between my brother and I.  When I realized, I was mad.  I have wonderful siblings and it is that poison that keeps me from getting close to them.  They are still too tied to her.  It honestly makes me sad.   Very sad.