Our new rule

I told my hubby that the new rule needs to be no eating after the kids. This was after we ate after the kids' McDonald's lunch. Has to happen. It just does if we want to reach our peak. We will see if we can stick to it. Start June 1, I am going to not eat any corn chips for a month. I plan to really stick to it. I think it will cut down my calories a lot and help. My walk this am was amazing. I really enjoyed it. The weather was perfect. I think I might run tomorrow. When I walk I hold my back tight (which is hard to explain) but I am typically sore in the back the next day. I do not do that when I run. Go figure.
I realized today that I have a lot of vines growing. I do not grow daisies, petunias or even orchids. Now, I grow large vines. My hubby says that it fits in with my personality. That is pretty true. With me I am either 100% into something or not at all. All or nothing for me. Vines just fit that perfectly. My daughter's pumpkin seeds actually sprouted. All four of them. I am impressed. The only problem is that they are encroaching on my pumpkin so I am not sure what to do. I have no room for another vine. I need to think about that one.
It is going to be hot this week, but I am glad. I bought a one piece swimsuit for the pool since I am not ready for the two piece yet. It is ok. The one I really wanted which was a halter top (should not surprise anyone) had horizontal stripes on it. I don't want to make myself look wider. Seriously. No wonder no one had bought it!!

A week and a stomach virus later...

I got stuck with the stomach virus for most of this week. I still had to go to work because of an audit we are currently going through. Unfortunately, the illness kept my from going to the gym during a week when I really needed to go. I hope to get back on track tomorrow. I ate a ton today. Just junk. Tomorrow is a new day, though. Provided it is not raining in the am, I am going to run outside or walk. If it is raining, I plan to hit the gym. I need to get back in some sort of routine. I really hope it is not raining. I love my am walks/runs. With Monday as a holiday, it means I will get 3 outdoor walks/runs this weekend which is such a treat. I am going to see how many days in a row I can workout in the am. We will see how long I can keep it going. No drinking plans until my anniversary in August so hopefully I can go a long way.
My hubby says he wants to see how far he can take it. We both need to really work on the food portion then. That is the hardest part for both of us, but I think we can work on it together and fix our issues with portion control. Still at 145 so a little better, but not much. I am hoping to be down to 138 by the end of June. Think I can do it??
My plants are growing well. My baby bell peppers are doing well. A few more weeks and they will be ready to eat. My "big moon" pumpkin looks rough. I planted a seed of it to give myself a back up plan, but I am now leery about cutting the pumpkin out completely. The jardale pumpkin looks great as does the regular pumpkin. The loofah has turned out to be a slow grower, but it is definitely growing, and my watermelon plant has tendrils now. It is so pretty. The plant is fuzzy. I never knew that until now.
I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend. The pool opens this weekend and I am bummed that there is no bikini ready for me to wear. Still a bit too muffin toppy for that in my opinion. My abs are great--I just need to get rid of the fat on them!

Cooking barley instead of rice

I am off from work today. I really needed the break. I still got up this am and walked. It was chilly. I would have run, but my back has been bothering me a little and I do not want to be sore during the first night in my house where our kids will be gone at my mother-in-laws. I want a nice, quiet evening so I don't want to feel pain so I walked. It was nice. I cleaned the house after the kids and my hubby left. I finished about 3p and then went for another walk. I feel good that I was able to get out twice today. I will not be able to get out at all on Saturday so I was glad for the second walk today. I have lost some weight this week. I can actually see my ab muscles on the sides so the workouts and cutting back on sugar must be working for my overall fat. Maybe that bikini is not so far off after all.
I know it sounds insance, but I am currently cooking barley for dinner. We are having Chinese food and barely with it instead of rice. Ever since I read Jillian Michael's book, we have started eating different grains. Barely is one of my favorites. We tried quinoa. Not a fan. I don't think I really understand what should be cooked with it. My husband laughs at my new found adventurism with food. My mother rarely cooked anything other than french fries. Occasionally we had rice, and it was always white rice. I have finally gotten into onions and peppers and stuff. My mother never cooked like that. I avoided them like the plague until I read Jillian's book and learned the health benefits. Her book is like my food bible. It made me think of food as fuel for my body not just something to taste good to me.
My 8 year old niece is overweight. It is sad and very disturbing to me. I was a little overweight as a child or at least I thought I was. I was told I was actually. Told by my mother. I remember being 10 and having just taken a bath, hearing my mother ask my sister, "Do you think she has breasts because she is so fat?" I grew up thinking I was fat. I really believed it. Looking at pictures, I was not fat. I was not even overweight. I developed early, but I truly believe that is due to the hormones in milk. (I drank a lot of it. We now drink hormone free as a rule. My kids get NOTHING else, and I will not touch the regular stuff myself.) I am concerned about my niece. My mother is obsessed. I do agree with my mother, though, that my brother and his wife need to go to a nutritionist with my niece and make her a partner in her own health. She needs to lose weight. It is for her health. I wonder myself what I would do if she were my daughter. I workout as much as I do in part for my children. I want to be a good example for them that is why we eat right and I exercise.

A PS for yesterday

It was as if the article was talking to me. I was already thinking about this, but the article made me think even more. It was written by a guy who said that he broke up with a girlfriend because she kept making comments about how her roommate was much more attractive than she even though she was not. Dude eventually broke up with her because he said that is "high maintenance" because she needed constant reassurance. First, I think any woman who is not "high maintenance" and that is my definition of it, not his, is selling herself short. What is wrong with asking for what you want out of a man? Are we supposed to just lay down and give them whatever they want and expect nothing in return? Second, maybe dude needed to look inside himself to see why she felt the way she did about her beauty. Men, they are so dumb. They put up posters, watch these films and drool over emaciated models and then wonder why their girl thinks she is fat even though she is a perfectly normal size 6 or 8. These pictures...well, let's be honest. The women have more make up caked on than Marilyn Manson in concert. The lighting is perfected before she even arrives. Have we mentioned air brushing???? But yet, women are expected to see that and then not wonder each and every day why they do not look like that. I remember a conversation in the car with my boss who I adore. We were talking about another co-worker who was way too thin. He said that he did not get the women thing thinking that these ultra thin women are attractive. He was actually trying to tell me that men do not go for that. I was like, "Are you kidding me? Then why were you drooling over Jessica Simpson back in her ultra thin day during The Dukes of Hazards movie? Why do you think that Faith Hill is hot." (Yes, she is probably underweight too.) What gives? I don't get it???
Models age by the way. So do celebrities--just ask Cher. I think Claudia Schiffer back in her day was by far the most attractive super model ever, but have you seen her lately. Not so much. Even Cindy Crawford is showing the rings around her trunk. We do not see men drooling over them any more, do we? No, they have moved on to even smaller girls wearing more pushed up bras and even more make-up.
I had a boss (another one I adored) back in college. He said that men like to look at the model types. Oh, that was their favorite and they want to have fun with them, but when it comes to marrying, well, they want a heavier woman with bigger hips and a little more jelly around the legs to marry because she will carry a baby well and be a good mother. How insulting? Is that how men really think? I hate to tell that every super model I know of is married or got knocked up at some point. What does that mean for them? I would love to go into this more, but I need to get back to shoving food into my face so that my hips do not get too small from all of my workouts. I am a mom and a wife afterall so I cannot let that happen.

Feeling beautiful and sexy

My hubby and I had a disagreement last night. Well, not so much a disagreement as general dissatisfaction from me. He never tells me that I am beautiful or sexy or pretty even. I might get the occasional "You look good." My general response to that is that cupcakes and pieces of pie look good. Do not get me wrong. I was up at 4:45am today for myself. Not for him. I want to be clear on that. Not only do I love the way I feel about myself now that I am in better shape, but I also love the feeling of getting to work and knowing that my workout is done for the day and I feel really good about that. It just puts me in a better mood. (Not to mention the fact that I am now the thin sister...." Anyways, it is not that I need to hear those things from my hubby to keep me going to the gym at 5a or walk/run outside on the weekends. I do not. I motivate myself enough in that. I guess that it would just be nice if he acknowledged my looks once in a while. In his defense, he did tell me this weekend that I look athletic which is a huge compliment in my opinion because that is exactly how I want to appear to others, but I never get pretty, sexy, beautiful. Looking "nice" to me implies that I clean up well which is not pretty or sexy or beautiful, and you know now how I feel about "good." I am left to wonder is my face ugly? Maybe I should go ahead and color my hair. I do not think that I am that unattractive. I see men looking at me. I see my co-workers notice me. I see the way some of my neighbors look at me. I am not bragging, but men notice me. On a scale of one to ten, I would give myself an 8 maybe when I am in full make-up and dressed well. Doesn't that qualify me as beautiful? Or is that title for nines and tens only?
I think about John Gray. (I may have misspelled his name so I apologize.) You know the guy who wrote Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I remember watching a show about his book where he talked about his wife coming down the stairs and how to make her feel better when they were going out, he just started saying, "Wow, you look gorgeous." He did it as a reflex to make her feel appreciated and good about herself. He then said that one day he looked at her as she was walking down those stairs and thought, "Wow, she really is gorgeous," and told her so and meant it this time. All of the people on the show were so impressed, but I thought, "What a dick." What is wrong with you that you did not think that before??? You married a woman you thought was ok? Seriously...by the way, they have since divorced....
I do not know what the resolution is if there is any. I guess I just have to keep working at myself for me and continue to build that within and make sure that I tell my daughter every day how beautiful she is because she is, and I truly mean that. I want her to feel it and to know it and have it be part of her so she does not have to ever feel the need to hear it from some man because she might never...and if he does say it he might not actually mean it.

Feeling awfully bloated.

I have not weighed myself since Friday of last week. I feel very bloated thanks to "next choice" so I am not weighing myself until I feel less bloated. I do not want to depress myself. I did, however, make it to the gym this am for my half hour workout which is all that I wanted on Mondays. I am pretty proud of that. I will be up for my regular workout tomorrow. Walking outside this past weekend was so nice and peaceful. There is no doubt that I will look forward to that each and every weekend. It is exercise, but it is just so relaxing and nice. I really enjoy it. I might do that on Friday since I don't have to get up for work and it is supposed to be warm.
I am off Thursday and Friday of this week. I really need break from work; I am definitely getting burnt out. This Thursday cannot come fast enough...I am literally counting down the hours. I love my work and my co-workers, BUT it has been very stressful and difficult as of late. I just need a break. I plan to clean, trim the hedges and work on the garden a bit.

Stranger days....

Today started off as a beautiful am. I got up right before 6a and made it out for my Saturday am walk by 6:10a. The weather was beautiful. It was 68 degrees. The fog was still on the ground. The sun was rising over the horizon. As I walked, I took in the beauty of our world. The fog lay on the golf course. With the sun shining on it, it looked like smoke rising. After the horrible, but wonderful thunderstorm we had last night, I marvelled in the beauty of the fallen trees and was thankful that we have had our bradford pear tree removed since those seem to be the ones that fall or break the most. Then I got to the other side of the pond and saw the sun up much higher now reflecting on the pond. At that point, I could also smell the honey suckle. Whitney Houston's "I Believe" was playing on my iPod at the time. I found my thoughts drifting from how wonderful the earth is to how much I am completely in love with my husband. I got home right about 7:05am and since no one was up, I hung out in the laundry room and folded the laundry to my hubby would not have to later. About a half hour later, I heard my son who slept in our room talking to my husband. I went upstairs and took with me what had been folded. The day started out so well and then went downhill from there.
My children have been whiney all am. So whiney that we skipped the trip to the grocery store. We tried to hit a local farmer's market, but there just was not a lot there. I realize it is early in the season, but it was still disappointing. My hubby has been almost impossible himself. He has been impatient and intolerant. When you couple both kids with him, it is almost unbearable. I finally sent him off to the grocery store just to get him out of my hair. My grouchy factor is now down to two. It does not help that I had to take next choice again this month. Yes, I realize it is my own fault, but I really thought I had already ovulated. This will once again mess up my hormones. It has already upset my stomach like it did last time. I am sure we would be ok since Jon is on week 8 post vasectomy, BUT I don't want to take that chance.
The only bright spot in today so far aside from the amazing start to my day is my garden. It is flourishing for the most part. My loofah (and yes, it is a vine!!) is growing well. It just got its first true leaves. Then the jardale pumpkin and watermelon are thriving. The acorn squash which was the first thing I planted has more than handful of leaves now. My chili pepper plants have flowers and my bell pepper has flowers and fruit! The tomatoes are getting flowers, but I think it is a good idea to pinch the first few off. I'll decide in a few days for sure. The regular size pumpkin plant has a HUGE leaf on it and several more small ones. It is growing so well. I am pleased. My only concern is my big moon pumpkin (those pumpkins get up to 150 pounds!!!) My daughter stepped on it a few days ago. It has not died, but it is slow in recovering. The large leave has not grown a lot since it was stepped on and its first leaves are dying. It is getting new leaves so I am hoping that it will recover. I really want just one big pumpkin. Just one! The kids would love it. I am thinking that I am going to try putting row covers together in the next week or two. That should be interesting. I still need to do more research on it.

Strange days are here.

This has just been a weird week. I do not know if it is because there is just so much going on at work or I am in a strange mood or what, but it has been a weird week. I have a lot going on at work right now. I actually slept through from 10:30p until the alarm went off at 4:40a this am. That NEVER happens. I always wake up at some point in the night. You would think I would feel rested, but no. I feel tired today still. We are working with our station in the mid-west that is just doing weird things. They have a very us against them mentality. I want to tell them half of the time that we are all on the same team. I find it very frustrating. I finally finished the EEO report stuff I was working on. I never really knew how much went into government regulations for television stations. It is quite amazing.
I am back down 3 pounds. I actually weigh now what I weighed last Thursday. Not a good thing, but at least I am down from Monday. That was shocking. 15 more pounds to go...again. Hopefully I can control myself this weekend and not drink so I will not gain weight like that again. I am definitely enjoying a few drinks next weekend when my mother-in-law has the kids. It is going to be so weird to go out with my husband with no worries of the kids at home or anything. That has never happened before. It will be nice to relax.
My finger is almost healed. There is still a small amount of swelling and the knuckles are itchy still, but all in all, I am on the mend. By tomorrow it should be almost gone. I am looking forward to this weekend when I can relax in my halter top dresses. I have my replacement one coming for the one that was too big. Hopefully, it will arrive tomorrow so I can wear it this weekend. It is such a pretty blue. I want to wear it as soon as I can especially since I am feeling thinner from working out each day. Just 15 more pounds, I keep telling myself...

Working out in the am definitely makes a difference.

I really did not want to get out of bed this am. Do I ever? I am still not an am person and never will be. I dragged myself out of bed because I figured it would put me in a different mood today. I have noticed that I am in a better mood when I get up and work out. I am sure endorphins have something to do with it, but it also stems from the fact that if I miss a workout, I then beat myself up about it for the rest of the day which puts me in a bad mood. So I dragged myself out of bed and did my full hour workout and had a great day. I am tired from getting up this am, of course, but it was well worth it. I will make a point of doing it again tomorrow. I am trying to get back to the habits I had in March when I was working out all of the time and felt the best. One of the habits I had was to list a few things each day for which I am thankful. (Came from the Happiness Project, I think it was called. It is supposed to make me more thankful and positive. It actually works.) What am I thankful for today? 1. Having a wonderful fulfilling marriage. I am so lucky. 2. Alarm clocks to get me out of bed at 4:45a. 3. Itch cream. My finger still itches like crazy. It was making me insane at the gym this am. I put more on when I got home. It was a bit better. Hopefully my finger will be completely better tomorrow. I am tired of a swollen finger. It is not just the swelling. I am tired of the itching.
It rained today and it was my favorite kind of rain. It was a short 20 minute downpour during a major thunderstorm. The sky got dark; there was a ton of thunder and lightning. I loved every minute of it. I love the spring and summer.
I managed to avoid weighing myself today. I am so tempted to see if I am back down again after gaining 3.5 pounds in three days. I refuse. I did catch my reflection in the mirror at the gym when I was leaving today. It was just a glimpse, but my thighs do not look as fat as I thought. It surprised me.

And here I thought I was better.

The swelling returned with a vengeance today. My finger is about twice the size it normally is. It itches like crazy. It about made me insane at work today. I refuse to get a cortisone injection. I do not want those chemicals in me. I'll suffer. If the other finger swells, then I might go to the doc. I am almost done with one project at work and working steadily on another. I am almost done with that one too. I usually feel a lot of satisfaction when a project is done. Not this time. Neither are satisfying type of projects. I am just looking forward to next Thurs and Fri when I am out. I need a break; I am on the verge of getting burnt out.
I made it out to the gym this am. I did not get a full hours work out in since I went a little later. I did 35 minutes on the rotating stairs. (Figure it will help round my booty!) I went to bed too late last night so at 4:40a I just could not get up. I had a lot of diet soda yesterday. I think that the caffeine was keeping me up. Unfortunately, I had three today too. Hopefully, I will get to sleep by 10:30p today. I am pretty tired, but I never really know how these things will go. I need a full workout tomorrow. Got to lose weight and a lot of it. I am really determined to lose those last 15 pounds. Ok 18 as of Monday. I am not weighing myself until Monday so who knows where I am today. The good news is that it is going to be warmer tomorrow, and it will be in the upper 70's here this weekend which is halter top weather as far as I am concerned! Hopefully, I will feel better physically by then.
Did I mention how sexy my hubby is? He is quite hot. He has been making me crazy for the last 20 minutes, but he is still pretty hot. I am hoping to be a hot wife for him...

Weather needs to warm up

I am having a halter top withdrawal right now. The temps went into the upper 60's so halter tops are out. It is supposed to warm up in time for the weekend. Thank goodness. My withdrawal will end then. I weight 148.5 this am. I have put on 3.5 pounds since Friday which I know is not possible. I am hoping that the weight gain has to do with the wasp sting and the flux that has thrown my body into. We will have a better idea tomorrow and Wed. I missed the gym this am. The crazy thing is that I woke up at 4:41a. I just should have gotten myself up and gone to the gym. Who cannot work a half hour workout in at least? I have to go tomorrow. I liked the way I felt at the end of last week when I was more toned from working out each day. Plus with all of the stress going on at work, I need that release. Too bad I missed my easy day. At least my run was great yesterday. I don't miss the snow, but I miss the workout from shoveling the snow. It felt good, and I think it really toned by arms.
My mother-in-law has offered to take both kids for one night next weekend. I am a bit nervous about leaving my 2.5 year old with her. My daughter is a handful and does not always listen. Plus, I am not entirely sure that the deck they are working on is completely safe yet. My hubby, of course, loves the idea and while I think it would be nice to have a night away from the children, I am not sure how I feel about it as a whole. I need to think about it.
I am praying that the rain falls tomorrow. There is a 70% chance. We need the rain. I am tired of watering my plants each day. My daughter stepped on my giant pumpkin plant. It is still a baby so she damaged part of it. It looks like it will survive. I just hope it makes it. It got down to 41 last night and it burned my jardale pumpkin. (I did not have that one covered.) I am leaving all exposed tonight. Hopefully, it will not burn my giant pumpkin plant. That might devastate me and since we are out of halter top weather, that would be a double blow...

Mother's Day is never a good day.

Happy Mother's Day. It was a typical Mother's Day for me. The kids were tired and cranky from going to bed too late last night and getting up too early today. That pretty much happens each Mother's Day. Then I stung by a wasp. I am allergic to bee stings so I was not sure what would happen. It was my first time getting stung by a wasp, and I have read that helps so I am ok. The swelling is already gone. It is still pretty painful, though. It hurt like hell when it happened. The crazy thing is that every Mother's Day is like this. Kids are cranky and just impossible and something strange happens. When my son was two, and my daughter was just 6 months old, my son was flat out mean to me on Mother's Day. He was two so I get it, but it still hurt. I remember going back to bed when my daughter napped because I was so disgusted. Then last year was just a cranky day for both kids. What confuses me is why Mother's Day is like this. Father's Day is NEVER like this. My husband and the kids celebrate it with ease. It is the same thing when my husband travels. Something weird always happens. One time, the power went out randomly. Scared me to death. Then later that night, we had an earthquake and the only sign was a loud boom. It was midnight and I checked the radar because I was sure it was thunder, but when I saw that there was nothing, I freaked out because I did not know until the next day it was an earthquake and then this last trip out of town, a robin decided to fight its reflection in our bay window at 6:15a. I thought someone was trying to break in. It is never like that when I am out of town (which is VERY rare) or when I am out for an evening and he is left with the kids. Why is that? Why is it so easy for the fathers? I don't want him to have a tough time, but it would be nice for him to see and feel what I deal with sometimes so he would understand. Next year I think I am just going to ignore Mother's Day altogether. Maybe that will work...
I went out running while the kids napped today. I think the adrenaline rush from the sting made the run easy because it was one of the easiest 5k runs I have ever had. I just did it. Tomorrow am is an easy workout. Mondays I do just a half hour on the stair climber. Well, actually that is my plan for Mondays. I finally decided that last week. I NEVER get my lazy tail out of bed on Mondays at 4:40a to go to the gym so I am hoping that by allowing myself an easy, short workout, I can find the strength to drag myself out of bed at 5:20a and get a workout in. We will see. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I was so depressed when I weighed myself today. 147.7 which is exactly what I weighed last Monday. I know I had beer over the weekend, but I ate better than usual so it kind of depressed me. Hopefully, I can really turn it around this week since I will not have food in face so much like I did this week.

Hangover

I had 4 beers last night. Today I am ok for the most part, a bit hung over. I am not enjoying that feeling. It will be a while before I drink again. It was nice to let loose a bit, but frankly I don't enjoy feeling a bit off today. Tough to feel young when you are feeling a bit off...
Likely, I will not drink alcohol for a while. Tonight we are going to the neighbors for dinner. My hubby is taking beer. I will not be partaking that is for sure. I am definitely going to take a nap today while my daughter naps. It will be nice and quiet since my hubby is taking my son to a birthday party this afternoon. My son gets invited to every party out there which is nice for him, but tiresome for us. I am not complaining, don't get me wrong. I prefer to have a child who is well-liked. That is just my son. He is sweet, kind, and considerate. I tell him that he will make a lovely husband someday. He definitely will.
The garden is growing well. The loofah plant is finally growing. I was getting worried. I have one chili pepper plant that does not look good, but I have 3 other so if it dies, I will not mind too much. I am taking special care of the pumpkin vines even though they are both only about an inch or two high. I am going to see about making some row covers tomorrow. That will be an interesting experiment. I have some bugs on my irises which worries me a bit since the irises are close to the giant pumpkin. I am somewhat against pesticides so I need to figure that one out sooner or later.

Wow! I own a lot of halter top dresses...

I was looking through the closet this am, and I definitely own a lot of halter tops and halter top dresses now. It is rather funny. You can definitely tell that I am going through a one-third life crisis. I try them on and ask my husband if I look too young. He says no, but sometimes I think I do. I wear them anyways. The one I got yesterday made me feel young and sexy. It is a nice feeling. Some days I feel old. Today is one of those days. I really want a beer tonight, but I am down to 144.8, and I don't want to ruin that. It has been a beast at work so I feel like I earned it, BUT do I really need the calories or the bloating? I am starting to feel comfortable and thin and sexy again. I could feel like crap tomorrow and then what? We will see. I really want to get out in the am tomorrow for a walk too. It is supposed to be in the 70's in the am tomorrow while Sunday am is supposed to be 50 so obviously I would like to have a nice am to walk. (I will still likely run on Sunday at least no matter what.) Running does not stop for Mother's Day.
The garden is growing nicely. My jumbo pumpkin is getting true leaves. They are so pretty and get me so jazzed. My green bell pepper plant is definitely getting nice flowers and flowers means fruit soon so hopefully, we will have some baby bells soon. I don't know when you are supposed to pick bells. I should probably research that. I did jalapenos one year and seemed to pick them at the right time. Bells are probably similar. My son's sunflower is growing the best so far. I estimate that it is almost 2 feet in height. He will be pretty jazzed once it gets taller than he is.
Now to decide on beer tonight...

And yes, it was a padded bra...

My husband and I had a nice long talk last night. You would not know this, but up until recently, I was not the wife I am now. I did not love my husband in the manner he should be loved. I loved him, but was not in love with him. Sounds so cliche, but it is true. He did something that I asked him not to in March and the fight that resulted from it, really enabled me to open up to him. It allowed me to finally be vulnerable to him and in doing so, I completely fell in love with him again. I love him completely in every way imaginable. It was the best thing that has ever happened to us. That was part of the reason why I was so hurt last night. I work myself to death getting up at 4:40a to get to the gym to be a sexy, hot wife for my husband and I just felt like there was little appreciation for that. We talked and I think it is resolved. I feel better about it anyways. I got some bra top dresses from Victoria's Secret today. I never thought I would have to send back the mediums to get smalls. Who would guess!!! I feel good about how I am working out and eating again. I am down to 145.5 today so 14 weeks and 15.5 pounds to go... Did I tell you how sexy I feel in the dresses that do fit? Getting old is not fun, but it is not all bad when you take care of yourself!
Here is the question of the day...if your husband told you one day he wanted a divorce. What would you do? When I was at the gym today, I was reading an article in Redbook, I think it was, where it talked about a book coming out where a woman had that happen to her and the story that followed. She ended up giving her husband some "space" and saving her marriage. I am not sure I could do that. I am not sure I could or would let my husband walk out of our house and then come back. Please don't think I am judging her negatively. I think it takes a very strong woman to do what she did. I am just not sure I could do the same. I hope I never have to face that situation. I would be devastated.
My garden is growing well. One jardale pumpkin is getting leaves. (Jardales stay green and don't turn orange.) I have a watermelon plant, an acorn squash, two tomatoes, a bell pepper, some chili peppers and two different orange pumpkins. One of them is a giant version. I am so hopeful that we get a giant one. I just want one good 50-60 pounder. It would make me so happy. I take a lot of joy and pride in my garden especially the pumpkins. You will undoubtedly hear about them more. I get obsessed!

What is the right response?

I am still working on this one. What is the appropriate response when your husband looks at you and asks, "Is that the padded bra you have?" Part of me wanted to punch him in his face. Seriously. Can he not say, "Damn, Tiffany, you look hot or sexy or something today?" When I made a remark about his asking me that, he said, "I was looking at you and your chest looked bigger. Then I was like, oh, it is just the padded bra." That only made it worse. Are men just that dumb? I have said time and time again in the last few months that I have made it too easy for him. Clearly that is the case...sex is not romance or even kindness or even looking at your wife and thinking she is beautiful. It is a whole different ballgame. Men are certainly a strange species. They start out with it, but then lose it as they get older. My son tells me how beautiful I am on a daily basis. That will be beaten out of him when he hits what, 10 or 11? It will eventually...
I felt good about going to the gym today and eating pretty well. Friday will be a test. I am getting pizza for my staff. I am just hoping that I do not overeat. That will be a true test to see if I can control myself. I have had a Reese's candy bar in my desk all week that a co-worker gave to me. It have not eaten it yet and don't plan to so I guess I am doing ok.

This am

Got out of bed this am for my workout. I am glad that I did. It was a good one. My daughter and son ended up in our room. I just never went back to sleep after she woke everyone up at 3:30a so I was ready for the gym at 4:50a this am.
Funny thing happened when I was leaving. A dude was leaving with small towel wrapped very tightly around his waist. It was not very big and this was a large dude so it looked like a short skirt on a teenager. I could not help but wonder if he had anything on under that towel since it was clear that he had just showered. When he got into the car behind me, I was tempted to peek to see if anything was on underneath. (Yes, these are the thoughts that go through my head.) Then I could not help but wonder "Who does that?" (Meaning him not me.) Who trucks out of a gym with a small, thin towel on and nothing underneath. Strange.
I am not an am person. Hell, I don't even want to get out of bed, but there is just something about being awake when the sun rises. I get so jazzed to look out of the gym window and see the sun peaking up over the horizon. It just puts me in a better mood. Part of it is that I know it is warm outside. That helps immensely.
My hubby just came downstairs. I was reading his blog. He is very disappointed with a move at work. I feel sorry for him. My take is that if he is not happy (after he gives it some time, of course) then he needs to see if there is something else out there for him. I have no further career aspirations and honestly some days, being a stay-at-home mom is most appealing. Our lives are about his needs professionally. As long as the four of us are together and a move will be a positive thing for him professionally and also for the lives of my children, I will do it. He knows what he wants to do. I just need my family and a garden.
Yes, the garden. I love my garden. I am sure I will talk more in the coming months about it, but I am growing loads of vegetables including pumpkins (actually pumpkins are a berry so I don't think they qualify as a veggie.) I love growing pumpkins. I get so much satisfaction out of it. There is just something about growing a nice big pumpkin. I am growing jumbo ones this year. That will be interesting. I hope it is a good crop. My irises are up now too. They are gorgeous. How sad it is that I never realized until this year how wonderful they smell. They are so fragrant and not in a perfumey kind of way.
Got to get ready for work now...ugh! Do I have to go?

Finally found something to motivate me.

I am still not able to get my lazy tail out of bed in the am so I think I have found some incentive. My hubby and I have an agreement that if we don't work out 5 days a week then we have to put both kids to bed one night the next week. That is punishment enough for anyone, trust me. I think that will force me to get my tail out of bed in the am, but we will see. I just need to get back in the habit is all. The weekends are easy. It is so nice to get up at 6a and go for a long walk or short run while everyone else is still sleeping and the world is just waking up. It is so peaceful. The week is different because I have to get up so early, but I just need to do it.
Today is the anniversary of a tragic accident that touched my life. It changed me as a mom and woman. Good friends lost their two and a half year old child this day 5 years ago. It hit me this am that their daughter's birthday is 4 days after my daughter's birthday so my daughter is almost exactly the same age that their daughter was the day she died. I see my daughter with her impatience, intolerance of anything and everything, and her temper and am just thankful to have her. I thought about that a lot today. Especially today. We had to put my daughter in time out 2 times this am while getting read for school and work. It was maddening, but I am thankful to have her. I know my friends would trade with me in a heartbeat. I would not blame them. I loved their daughter. I miss her. I think of her a lot mostly while I run. Watching your friends bury their child is almost intolerable. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was pregnant with my son at the time. It changed me. I am very protective now--probably too much so, but it is what it is.
Today is also my husband's birthday. I forgot until about 10a today. That is just me. I am not so big on birthdays. He is a wonderful man. I love him very much. The last few months have been a re-awakening of our relationship. It has certainly changed a lot and for that, I am very grateful. He is generous, loving, a wonderful father, and so smart. Did I mention incredibly sexy too? One day when he was out shoveling snow this past winter, he walked back in the house, and I thought, "Damn, my husband is hot!" Anyways, Happy Birthday, Babe. I hope it is a good one. Here is to being 34. Hopefully you will not hit your 1/3 life crisis for years so you can live to be over 100. I want a good 75-80 years together. We are down almost 11 now so we are well on our way!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

I am not complaining. Please do not think that I am. I am just telling you that it is hot here, and of all of the luck, our AC upstairs is out. I was 82 up there last night. I was ok, but I felt bad for the kids. It is going to be 94 here today. The upstairs only got down to 77 overnight so Lord only knows how hot it will be up there by kids bedtime tonight.
I did get up this am to run. I ran about 1k and walked the rest. I am so out of shape already. It was so nice to be up and out early. It felt great. I am thankful for the warm weather for that alone. At least I can get up each am and run on Sat and Sun. Much preferable than going to the gym.
Dinner last night was nice. It was nice for my hubby and I to dine without the kids. I did not have to stop to tell someone to stop annoying her brother or remind someone to use inside voices. I ate a lot, though. I weigh 147.7 this am. I have decided that by my anniversary, I want to weigh 130. That gives me 15 weeks which I think is doable. My hubby was a bit weird yesterday. He was ok at dinner, but he was somewhat distant throughout the day. So much so that I wondered if I had done or said something during the previous evening. He claims that he was a bit tired and the kids were needy. I am not so sure. Sometimes I think that I make things too easy for him between us so he never has to work at anything. I just love him so much and want him to enjoy our marriage and family, but I get the concept of liking the chase. (I have lived off of that for the last 33 years. It is only recently that I realized that I have everything that I want and the grass is not greener, but that is a subject for another day.)
My cousin is on my mind. What awful thing lies within us? What is growing or living there that might kill us well before our time? I do not plan to live forever, but I don't want to die before 96. After all, I started my 1/3 life crisis at 32 so I have to live to be at least 96 now, right? What might cut my life short? What might take my husband away from me while we are still young? That reminds me. I need to schedule his physical....

It finally hit me and it took a fair amount of beer for it to happen.

I realized last night after two beers (you can laugh, but that will not change the fact that two beers is a lot for me) why I cannot motivate myself to hit the gym or run in general. I am simply trying to survive right now. Work is my issue. I just have to get through it, but trying to navigate it is causing me a lot of problems. I don't manage stress well. When I am stressed I need to run, but I feel less like it when I am stressed. Due to the beer I drank last night, I did not make it out to run this am, but I am not drinking beer again for a while and it will be 70 in the am tomorrow so I am getting up at 6a to run. I will still be back to cook breakfast for the family by 7:30a. Yes, I cook breakfast for the family every Sunday. I love it and would not change it. We definitely have our weekend routines. We go out to breakfast every Saturday and then I cook breakfast for the family every Sunday. That is my weekend. I enjoy it quite a bit. We typically hit Whole Foods after Sat breakfast. Other than that, our weekend is pretty much spend outside when it is warm. I live for warm days so we can be outside. I hate the cold. It could be 100 (and it almost will be tomorrow) and you will never hear me complain. Let it get below 60 and I am miserable. I tolerated child birth without drugs, but I cannot tolerate temps below 50 at all. Go figure.
I will say that wearing a halter top today is somewhat liberating and does give more incentive to keep working out. It definitely makes me want to eat a whole lot better. I know from reading Jillian Michael's Master Your Metabolism that food is nourishment and should be treated as such. (Her book changed my life and how we each completely.) Feeling sexy in a black halter top helps me to think more about that fact as I go to stuff chocolate in my mouth. It just helps.