Time is passing me by

Time is passing me by.  I realized that today.  I am losing time.  I want back the years that I lost and I spend so much time worrying about them that I fail to see that in some way, I am wasting these years too.  Do not get me wrong, I am definitely making progress, but I am not doing the things that I know I need to do to get where I want to be.  Professionally, I am great.  My job is ever changing which is fun in its own way and is very fulfilling.  That means that the changes I want are personal.  I taking small steps.  Too small.  I need to take much bigger steps if I want to make the progress that I want to make.  I feel like in some ways I have missed that step or I am lacking the drive to take those bigger steps.  Where is my drive.  It seems like it is failing me in some ways.  Where is my focus?  I am so focused in some ways, but not in this regard.  Something needs to change.  I have a lot of soul searching to do.  I need to figure out if I can really push myself.  I wonder if I really can push like that?  Why am I afraid and what am I afraid of?  What is the fear?  I do not want to be afraid.  Fear is causing me to lose time, something I cannot afford to lose.  Time...goes by so quickly....