Slow down, slow down, slow down

This is what I tell myself.  I need to slow myself down in general but it is my advice for this 13.1 miles I will run on Sat.  I know I will take off too fast so I have tried to put music on my iPod to start that will slow me down.  I need the inspirational stuff later.  The early stuff just needs to be slow so I can keep a good effective and maintainable pace going.  I do everything too fast.  I spend a good deal of my time rushing through life and to what end.  For the next thing to rush through?  Crazy.  I am trying to focus on enjoying this half marathon.  I am trying to focus on enjoying running the race because ultimately I run because I enjoy it!  I am trying to let go of the pressure of that 2 hours looming over me and just focus on how much I love to run and enjoying the run.  Running....for me it is a rush.  Not a constant rush.  Rather the rush comes in waves.  I find that I hit it about 1 hour in and then again at the end of a long run.  Of course I feel the rush all over again when I see my time or my pace or even the distance that I have gone.  I feel the rush again when my husband mentions to me how toned I have become and how firm my legs are getting.  Me, Tiffany, the chick who never ran the mile in school at all.  The girl who when forced to "run" the mile would walk most of it.  I think maybe once in high school I did a 13:40 miles on a "run."  I remember the other Tiffany in my glass.  First of all, she was beautiful.  Second, she ran like a deer.  It was even pretty watching her run.  I remember wanting to be like that.  Hoping one day it would just come.  It never did then, but I have found it in my 30's.  I may not be run pretty, but I run farther and faster than I ever imagined I would.  I took that half marathon off my New Year's resolution this year because I never thought I would do it, but here I am.  Two days away, it is.  I will finish.  That I know.  More than finishing in 2 hours (and I REALLY WANT TO FINISH IN 2 HOURS) I want to enjoy it.  I want to enjoy the moments of it.  When we would drive down a nearby road on a Friday night after dinner in the winter, I would fantasize about running down that same road on an early summer am.  Here is the culmination of all of those early summer am's that I so long for every winter.  Saturday is that day, and I am ready to run it, but am I ready to allow myself to enjoy it?  After it will I feel a sense of loss that it is over?  Perhaps which is why I am already planning my next half.  Who knows for the girl who never ran the mile, maybe there is a full marathon in my future.  Maybe I can even do that.  I am still afraid of not finishing in under 2 hours, but I want to let go of the fear of being afraid of that fear, and just run...