Runner's problems

It is funny that running longer runs causes small issues you would never think of otherwise.  My toe nail on the toe next to my big toe on my left foot has blackened and is falling off.  There was a lot of pressure underneath it for the last few days.  This am, it miraculously released the pressure.  It did not hurt but was annoying.  I mentioned it to someone and he told me to stop running.  I am thinking you just don't get it.  Some of the problems are good to have.  I am leaner than I have ever been.  Sometimes when I catch myself in the mirror, I cannot believe that those are my legs.  Just surprises me.  For me being leaner also means having more loose skin.  Yes, I am definitely a cautionary tale of what happens for those who get fat.  It is a shame that I was once fat.  If I did not have all of that extra skin hanging, I would look like I am in incredible shape, but the skin is there and I have learned to live with it.  Well, live with it everywhere but my breasts where I had it cut off through a full anchor lift.  The skin removal surgery for the arms and legs causes a bit more noticeable scaring so that I will just live with.  I would like to eventually get a tummy tuck, but I am not sure if that is in the cards....
Tomorrow I have 10 miles.  I am hoping it is not too humid.  Either way I will survive.  My hubby says he is going to do 4 or 5 with me.  We will see about that one.
As I loosen my grip on the tight handle I previously had on life, I have noticed how miserable people are and how they constantly have to elevate themselves to feel better and part of elevating themselves is making others look bad or feel bad, or getting the last word in, or making fun of someone else.  I see it on a regular basis and I guess I notice it more now that I care a lot less about the BS that surrounds all of us on a daily basis.  It seems to very much be a male dominated thing, but I am sure that women buy into it too.  I will say, though, that letting go of that tight grip has allowed me to find more happiness than I ever thought I could find and that is with my grip still there--just not as tight.   I still have to balance being a responsible parent and employee with letting go a bit of the stress and the worry and the control, but once you do it more and more, it gets easier.  It has been an incredible summer.  We have been very busy.  I think our children have enjoyed it quite a bit.  I see my son who is naturally anxious, lose some of that anxiety.  I have been really proud of the hubby and I.  This week, we were faced with a challenge with our son where normally, we would have overreacted and not been all that supportive of our son.  (I chuckle as I write "not been all that supportive."  Our son is 6.  He still needs lots of support.  How silly it was that we were not giving it to him!)  We did the exact opposite thing of what we have done in the past and oddly enough (sarcasm, obviously) he was reassured enough that he slept in his room all night both nights which is something he has not done a lot of over the last month.  It not only seemed to help, but it felt so much better to support him and reassure him that coerce him in to what we want him to do.  Sure we were tired and wanted to just relax, but reassuring him was clearly the thing to do.  It felt good and it felt right.  Hopefully being more supportive of him will help to further allay some of his anxieties.  I am certainly not saying that we are miracle workers. Not at all, but I guess it just never occurred to me that if you give someone what they need sometimes even if it is in direct opposition to what you want, everyone actually wins.  Crazy that it never occurred to me before, I know.  Crazy and sad.  I realized that I am not the most reassuring person, and why?  Why?  Because that is how I grew up.  I was constantly told just to deal and that life is hard for everyone so you need to just deal with it and move on.  I am not saying that all of my problems should have been fixed for me, but support and reassurance and sympathy goes a long, long way.  I got little of that so I give little of it, but I am working on that.  I can certainly tell you that even the small changes have made a difference in my relationship with both of my children and my hubby which is a good thing. 
As I finished running this past Sunday, I was thinking how if it were not for my mother, I would not be running this half marathon which means that I would not have these wonderful and amazing changes to my body (and the black toe nail.)  So I remember thinking for an instance that I am running for her, and immediately, I knew that was wrong.  I am not running for her.  I am running this half marathon for me.  I am a bit sad because neither my children nor my hubby will be there when I finish, but that is ok.  My BFF will be there and plans to run the last mile with me which I will need.  I want my kids to live their lives too and they have a big event.