Family room done

The family room is done. I painted it all myself. Well, my daughter helped, but I painted it prior to her painting. I did not want to go behind her because I thought it would hurt her so I just painted it first and then no worries on making sure that all spots were covered. It looks great. I am so pleased and proud.
I am still going through a major transition with my hubby. Fighting my imagination sure feels a hell of a lot better than the wreck I was constantly before, but this is super tough to keep up. I am still thinking of my list of questions for him, but the question I keep asking myself is when will I ever feel like I am enough for anyone. I am still chasing that vivacious, young, beautiful, smart, and kind person I am supposed to be and I keep waiting for the day I will catch her and it never happens. I wish she would just disappear from my mind. I am constantly jealous of her. She does not even exist. How crazy is that? How do I rid myself of her? How do I make her go away? Those are questions I need to be answered. In the meantime, I have to figure out how to explain to some therapist this concept of this person in my mind and why I can never live up to her.
Jon has been very patient. I think in some ways he knows that there are still major broken parts there and just hopes that I can fix my mind over time. We had another long talk about what I need from him. I know he knows that my patience with that will wane over time. I can only give so much without feeling jaded when I do not get what I need in return. So my question for him today...what was it about me that made him feel so comfortable with me always? What was it? He always says that with me it was different. He was able to talk to me because he always felt different with me so why was that? I need to know.