A trip to the beach and panic all day

I got back Thurs from a work trip to the beach.  I work with lovely people, but being in a house with them for 4 days straight was wearing.  I enjoyed spending time with most of them, but I was ready to come home.   Coming home on a Thursday made Friday a very long day.  I was (and still am in some ways) emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting.  I am still recovering.  I am hoping to recover enough that I can at least get a 10 miler in tomorrow.  I would like to do 14-15 but I do not believe that is in the cards based on my level of exhaustion.  I rowed this am.  We got a rowing machine for the house.  It is nice.  I have not really rowed in weeks so I am definitely feeling it, but in a good way.  Hopefully this will get me the long, lean body I want. 
All day long today I have been on the verge of a panic attack.  Keep in mind that I had one this am as my daughter and I dug my hubby's Ipod out of his work bag.  I have been on the verge of one ever since too.  I am not sure why I am on edge so much today.  It is wearing on me and making me more tired.  I only had one panic attack at the beach.  Fortunately, I was alone and in the shower.  I just sat down to deal.  I am still weeks away from getting the therapy thing wrapped up so it will be some time before I pinpoint why I am so anxious all of the time.  I am ready for them to end.  I never know when one will strike and fortunately, they seem to be isolated to when I am mostly alone or in the house.  I refuse to be an agoraphobic and hang around the house waiting for one.  I know to sit down should one start coming on.  I can usually get through it then without incident. 
I feel ready now to take this health thing all the way.  I was always on the cusp before.  I feel ready to really continue the running this winter provided it is not too cold and I feel ready to go back to healthy eating and regular cross training with the rowing.  Winter always seems to be my best time. I  am hoping that this year is no different.  I am tired of feeling fat. Yes, I know I am not fat.  I am not even close to being overweight, but I feel fat and am tired of it. I want to feel how I look.  I feel that way closer to 130. 
I cannot believe that Halloween is almost here.  Time is flying by.  I hope it continues.  I hate that I spend so much time wishing time away, but I want spring to be here.  I want the flowers to be blooming and to hear the birds chirping in the am.  That is my time.  I do not understand folks who like the fall.  Life is dying.  Why would anyone like that time?  You like death?  I get that it is cyclical, but seriously, spring is the best time.  It is about rebirth and life and everything coming to life and finding its beauty.  Who cannot get on board with that?