Been a long time

I had not realized how long it has been since I posted something.  Most of my thoughts have been a bit too personal to share with anyone or anything outside of my head.  I have gotten fat in the lats two months.  Well, maybe that is not true.  I have gained 5 pounds, and to go on record, I would never say in the presence of my daughter that I have gotten fat.  It is how I feel some of the time. No one around me understands which I find more frustrating than anything.  I have no one to talk to about it.  There is no one to understand.  That 5 pounds is so small but it is huge to me.  What it represents is pretty significant too.  I feel like I am always on a mission to lose weight and let me tell you.  That is pretty freaking exhausting.  When I am trying to lose weight, I am not feeling so hot about myself which bleeds into almost every other area of my life.  It has been a hard two months. 
As is typical, I find myself falling into a winter depression.  I was hoping to avoid it this year, but as we get further into January, it becomes more and more clear that it is settling in to stay, and I hate it.  I am counting down the days until spring.  We are under 70 now.  What scares me is that I am the thinnest in the month of March historically for the year.  If that is the case this year, what does it mean for the rest of my year?  Am I to gain more weight?  To really hit my stride running, it would be helpful to lose about 10-15 pounds.  The question is, can I do it?  I can stop the binge eating and take care of myself?  Sometimes it seems like it will never happen and that depresses me even more.