How do I deal with these feelings?

tell me, how do I deal with them?  I am just having trouble making sense of them.  I want a do-over of my 20's.  Yes, I know everyone does, but I really want it. I made so many mistakes and regret so many things now.  I want to go back and do it all over.  Things would be so different.  I would be so different.  I would not be so damned afraid.  The irony being that this is what Lucy was afraid of that I would regret so much, but the truth is that her attempt to protect me from this regret helped caused it.  Self fulfilling prophecy.  How true that really becomes.  I want to go back and change almost everything.  Why can't I go back?  I would take care of myself and not worry so much about my mother or sister or father or anyone else.  I would work in a different place and be a different person, the person I am not.  The truth of the matter is that I have spent the last few months trying to act like I love the person I used to be and trying to protect her, but I hate her.  Do I feel sorry for her, yes, but I hate her too.  She did this to me.  She is the reason I have so many hang ups now and am so afraid.  I hate her.  She had so much potential because how much potential is there in youth?  So, so much.  I hate her.  She gave up so much for others.  Makes me so mad at her now.