Regrets

So this past week, the hubby and I went back to the college where we met.  I love and hate going back there.  I have such fond memories of the time we spent there together, but I also see so many regrets staring me in the face.   Now I get that if I changed any one small thing in college then my life could and would be dramatically different now.  I totally get the concept of the butterfly effect, but I cannot help but see regret everywhere.  Would I change my present life?  Never so why do those regrets bother me so much?  I wish I knew.  I guess I just feel like at every turn during that time, the adults in my life let me down.  I get that ultimately I am responsible for my life but the whole concept of "self determination" that our college claims it encourages, well, let's just say that based on some of their other policies, it is clear that they only believe in self-determination when it is convenient for them. 
Anyway, this blog is not about the school but about me and what I learned as I walked through the campus.  I saw those regrets.  I have felt them before.  They make me sad for that person I was.  She was so sad and pitiful.  Fortunately she had an amazing guy just following her around and letting her do her thing and just loving her.  That was the lucky part.  I am a lucky woman for that and I know it.  So what did I take away this week?  That life is full of regrets and the crazy thing is that you can continue to live that way...gathering more and more of them along the way.  Most of us do.  So the lesson, for me at least, is no more regrets or at least as few as possible.  Why shouldn't I live my life to the fullest now?  Why shouldn't I do the things that I really want to do and take it as far as I possibly can and why shouldn't I work every day to be the person I want to be?  I did not do that back in college.  Frankly, I had no clue who I wanted to be.  I just wanted to survive back then and survive I did.  I am still here and present.  The difference is that surviving and getting by is no longer enough.  I want to live.  So what did I do yesterday?  I road a roller coaster by myself that I never thought I would even ride again.  It scared the crap out of me, but I truly believe that it is not the fear that immobilizes us.  It is what we do with that fear.  I have a lot of responsibilities.  I have a house, two small kids, and a job, but I can still have a fun life and do the things that I want to do to live life and not just get by. 
So what does that mean today?  I means that I run a half marathon in a few weeks.  I am ready.  It means that I do an 8 mile trail run in two months and I feel ready for it.  After all, all I have is time.  I plan to be here anyways, right?  So I may as well do the things I want to do and make sure that I do not have regret staring me in the face 10 years from now.