Never know where life is going

My run Sunday was an interesting one.  I shaved almost 7 minutes off of my half marathon time.  I went from 2:05:20 to 1:58:20.  I am pretty happy with the time.  The only problem was that I almost quit 3 miles in.  My mind was not in it at all.  My body was great.  It was the total reverse of the previous week.  I got through it and took about an hour to get my head straight.  Once I got it straight, though, I enjoyed the rest of the run.  Too bad it took half the run to get there.  I ditched my gatorade 3 miles in since I always feel it is mentally weighing me down and I did not need anything else weighing me down at that point. 
I realized this weekend that I hate Kate Upton.  Sorry, but it is not for the reason most people think.  Believe it or not but at 36, I have a better body than she does.  I take care of myself  and workout quite a bit and have a figure most women in their early twenties want.  She does not work out and really all she has going for her is large boobs which by the way if she does not start putting those babies in a bra, she is going to be me at 34 and in serious need of a full anchor lift.  My chest was much like hers at that age.  Large and saggy.  It only gets worse as gravity and age take effect and I can tell by the way her chest is already hanging (and trust me, it is,) she has the same saggy skin gene I do.  Poor girl.  She has the $ for a full anchor lift, at least!  Anyways, why do I hate Kate Upton?  She is comfortable in her own skin.  I am not.  Now part of that is age.  After 30, we are strongly encouraged to lock it up and throw away the key regardless as to how fabulous our bodies are.  But there is part of it that is just me.  I am not that carefree.  I care too much about what others think and how they will judge me.  That even extends to my hubby of 13 years.  Kate, she could care less.  Now I get that that lack of care is not altogether smart either.  She does come off as silly from time to time, but I think about how fun it would be to let that insecurity go and just be whoever it is I want to be.  As I realized why I hated her, I changed the focus a bit and thought maybe I could more admire her than hate someone I do not even know.  After all, that might feel a bit better to me.  I am working on it.  Well, that and letting go of that care about judgment...at the very least when it comes to my hubby.  If I cannot trust him, who can I trust?  That is the funny thing about trust.  We never completely give it to someone, do we.  We are always afraid of judgment in some form from anyone and everyone.  How sad is that?
The weather Sunday is going to be a scorcher.  I only have a half marathon ahead of me, thankfully.  Hopefully my body and mind will be in sync and on the good end this time.  I hope I can beat the heat.  That is my biggest worry.  I keep hoping for a cool down.  Either way, I need to get used to running in the heat.  August in our state is hot and humid even in the am, but I feel ready even two months away to run this half.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I set a big goal and achieved it.  It is a good feeling and it will be a great feeling to finish that race.